August 19, 2005

Is There A Botanist in the House?

Monday Update: I will be posting today, just a little later than normal like, oh, around Tuesday. (Just kidding. Stay tuned!).

A moment of silence, please, for one of the lemon blossoms.

(Silence.)

Although, as I declared before, our lifestyle is sadly lacking in sex, drugs and rock Ďní roll, we do, at least once or twice a year, engage in wild and uninhibited Tomato Sex and, now, this year, wild and uninhibited Lemon Sex. Which, sadly, isnít at all as raunchy or bodice-rippy as it sounds. Tomato sex involves twiddling your fingers in one tomato blossom and then twiddling your fingers in another to encourage pollination, which we do with great gusto during the years when we grow tomatoes. And this year, upon the discovery of the lemon blossoms, TMK decided that the lemon blossoms also required twiddling...and one of the blossoms met its untimely demise during the process. Perhaps itís time to introduce TMK to the phrase ďthe birds and the beesĒ in its most literal sense and help her realize that we do not, in fact, have to twiddle at all because, unless Iím mistaken, God has that part of natureís needs all wrapped up.

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catalinadone.jpg Anyone remember these socks, the Catalina socks? Well, Iím busy writing up the pattern and hope to have it ready to post next week. Since I did not, however, see the point in knitting An Actual Sock in order to hash out the minute details of stitch count and heel turn and toe length, Iíve created an extremely abbreviated sock with a half-inch cuff; full-length heel, heel turn and gusset; one-inch foot; and full length toe. TMK says it looks like something an Oompa Loompa might wear. A female Oompa Loompa. A female Oompa Loompa with extremely bad taste because I'm using some extraordinarily ugly pink Fixation.

In the meantime, although I am not a big fan of knitted animals and dolls, even I canít resist this creation. Perhaps itís because I'm uncomfortably aware that that's exactly how I would look if I squeezed myself into a tight pink tutu, colored my hair red, piled it on top of my head, slapped on a flower, and stood on a doily.

Also, for those who missed it, Melissaís out-of-this-world fish blanket.

And, lastly, yesterday I went back to visit ďInnocent Abroad,Ē the blog of Vaire, one of my first-ever Dear Readers, and discovered her amazing mittens.

Enjoy, and have a happy weekend, everyone!

Posted by Ryan at August 19, 2005 11:36 AM
Comments

So sorry for your loss....when there are only two flipping blossoms, losing one is a big deal! Laughed out loud at "tomato sex and lemon sex"...interested to hear if you get interesting google hits on those babies.... :)

Posted by: Lisa in Oregon on August 19, 2005 12:49 PM

Tell TMK that the professionals use...ummm..."back massagers" to do the pollination thing. I couldn't make this up.

http://text.lsuagcenter.com/en/communications/publications/agmag/Archive/2005/Winter/Pollinating+Greenhouse+Tomatoes+with+Vibrators+Blowers+Bees+fail+in+small+operations.htm

Posted by: Tracy on August 19, 2005 01:44 PM

Poor little lemon blossom... must remind TMK to be... uh... verrrrry gentle in her twiddling. Come to think of it... even when she's twiddling other things besides lemon blossoms. :0)

Posted by: Marty on August 19, 2005 02:14 PM

"bodice-rippy" *falls over in a fit of giggles*

Posted by: Leslie on August 19, 2005 02:30 PM

You know, I try to keep this blog somewhat family-friendly, but apparently I've (a) stopped following my own rules and (b) lost complete control. You guys are so funny.

Posted by: Ryan on August 19, 2005 02:58 PM

Good Lord, you make me laugh! :)
Not usually a fan of knitted toys an dthe like either usually, although this week I have just finished a monkey which may be the only thing I have knitted for my daughter that she honestly loves. (And she's 12!)
But if she sees that ballerina, she may just die of longing ;)

Posted by: Donna on August 19, 2005 03:43 PM

You have
a) stopped following your own rules and

b) lost complete control

Definitely. Guffaw.

Posted by: Norma on August 19, 2005 06:59 PM

I had a mini lemon tree for six years (it finally bit the dust this year) and if you give it a good cold spell (basement?) for about two weeks then bring it back to the warmth, it will usually sprout an ungodley amount of very frangrant blossoms. I use a paintbrush to service my blossoms and usually lost a bunch but I was averaging about 6 lemons a year on a five foot tree. Lots of water, some fish fertilizer (fish water from a friend's fish tanks) and Jimmy Buffet with a dash of Enya (yah, I'm weird).

AnnaMarie

Posted by: AnnaMarie on August 19, 2005 07:01 PM

I dig those socks. I'me seeing them in black worn over hot pink tights, kinda sexy, kinda punk. What a treat those will be, you twiddler you.

Posted by: julia fc on August 19, 2005 07:43 PM

The vegetable twiddling (The same with can be done with Zukes and Cukes. Ahem)reminds me of a joke.
A beautiful woman gardener tried everything she could think of to make her tomatoes ripen. No matter what she did, no go. She noticed that her neighbor had beautifully red tomatoes, so asked him his secret. He replied,"Every night, I go out and expose myself to the tomatoes, and they turn red!". She thought, what the heck, and tried it. A few weeks later, she ran into the neighbor, and he asked how her tomatoes were. She replied,"My tomatoes didn't turn red (wait for it)but you should see my cucumbers!"

Posted by: Annie on August 20, 2005 05:37 AM

The title reminds me of one of the old Far Side cartoons. Fish bowl turned over on the stage with the goldfish out of water.... the lady asks if there is a dr in the house and a guy in the back says "Why yes, I am an ichthyologist!" Sorry to hear about your lemon blossom. I will mourn along with you and pray for at least one lone lemon. :o)

Posted by: Angela on August 20, 2005 06:56 PM

Monday Update - Are you still in the mad throes of pollination?

Posted by: Elaine on August 22, 2005 02:16 PM

I need my Monday Ryan/TMK Update! I have not patience for the waiting!

Posted by: Rebecca on August 22, 2005 02:46 PM

We have sex in our office quite often. When I showed my co-worker how to do it, we all had a good laugh. But I don't 'tweak' the flowers -- I use a soft makeup brush and we have lots of pregnancies and seeds now. Mom used to tell us that you have briskly rustle the leaves of the cucumbers every day so you would get more cucs... same reasoning there. This whole world of sex is so fascinating!!

Posted by: Tallguy on August 23, 2005 10:54 AM
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