March 24, 2006

In Which I Learn I am a Cleaning-Weenie

Because one can never have enough neuroses, along with my new tuteurphobia, I recently developed a sudden, rabid, deep, and all-consuming jealousy of Hercules, in particular of his cleaning of the Augean stables. The mythophiles among you will remember that Labour #5 was to clean the vast stables in one day, so, being All About the Shortcuts, Herkie altered the route of two rivers so that they would sweep through the stables, scouring them clean. Voila! Done, with enough time left over to enjoy a double-tall latte, a biscotti, and a leisurely perusal of the sports pages.

In comparison, when I was cleaning my house last night, I vacuumed my area rug.......and developed blisters. A scant three minutes of pushing and pulling, and I develop blisters. What a total unHerculean cleaning-weenie! So now, the lazy princess in me has decided to go the more direct route, has opened all the doors and windows, and is busily trying to find a local river to divert through the house, although the only thing nearby is a pathetic little creek, half of which struggles lamely along under a mall parking lot. That, and, to my surprise, I seem to be encountering great resistance from the EPA along the way. I’ll bet if Hercules had to deal with the EPA, the dude'd still be shoveling giant-cow poop and wouldn’t be quite the he-man he is considered to be today.

Because this is apparently going to be a “smokescreen” day where I ramble on about neuroses, Greek gods, and governmental agencies, and nothing I write about has anything to do with knitting, here, an article about the ten most annoying alarm clocks.

And, here, the web site of an artist who creates wooden goblets using your profile for the base.

And, here, something you absolutely should not look at if you are currently in the clutches of a mind-altering substance (has music).

yarnbasket.GIFOh, wait, watch! I can squeeze out one small mention of something knitting-related! I discovered yesterday that the Dulaan "Suggested Patterns" Web site was sorely out-of-date and many of the URLs were obsolete, so I've deleted old links, updated whatever URLs I could update, and have added new patterns (the Danny Sweater I (smaller sizes), the Danny Sweater II (larger sizes), the Ski Hat, the Quick Knit Ribbed Hat & Reversible Rib Scarf, and the Cross-Country Chullo).

Happy weekend, everyone!

Posted by Ryan at March 24, 2006 01:07 PM

Hmmm. Maybe if you run a hose into the house and set up a sprinkler?

Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on March 24, 2006 01:24 PM

I'm going to suggest either a new vacuum cleaner, or divert the river under cover of darkness. Only the Shadow knows.

Posted by: Bling! on March 24, 2006 01:46 PM

Bling!, embarrasingly enough, I've had this vacuum cleaner for yeeeeears, and only last night did I figure out that, if I don't set it at "highest suckage," which, apparently, is only for bare floors, it's MUCH easier to push and pull on carpet. Who knew. That still doesn't excuse the blisters, though.

Cuzz, the sprinklers would just moisten the dirt and then plaster it even more firmly onto the various surfaces of my home. The river, on the other hand--in, out, gone.

Posted by: Ryan on March 24, 2006 01:54 PM

Or, you get a Roomba!

Posted by: Annie on March 24, 2006 02:01 PM

That Blue Ball Machine you linked to is outta control! I had to slap myself out of hypnosis...

Posted by: Brenna on March 24, 2006 02:10 PM

I like to tell people that we have a "back to nature" house. I don't say it's actively running back to a natural state. Is it bad that one corner of the bathroom could use one of TMKs tuters?

Posted by: Elaine on March 24, 2006 02:24 PM

Is there a nearby fire hydrant? That might work just as well.
And now I must go get under the influence of some mind-altering substances to really get the full effect of the blue ball screen.

Posted by: Carrie on March 24, 2006 02:44 PM

It's time for another collonic cleaning?

Posted by: Kat on March 24, 2006 03:18 PM

What do you type into google to find such fun stuff? My google searches are much less exciting than yours.

Do you have a ditch near by? I have a very large "wash" (that is what we call 'em in California) that might be divertable through my own house. I'll have to think on that. . .

Posted by: laura on March 24, 2006 05:59 PM
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