May 27, 2015

Lo, The Mighty Hunter!

In this entry, I whinged on about the unpleasant Attack of the Moths. The problem is, see, as long-time readers know, I can’t kill them, can’t squash them, can’t bung infested yarn into the freezer, can’t do any of the recommended mothicidal things. The moths aren’t doing anything wrong; they’re just being moths, just following some internal Moth Law and trying to survive. And on some teeny-weeny, speck-of-a-brain, not-understandable-to-us, moth-y level, they are sentient. And while I’m not in any sense a follower of the Buddhist tradition, this “sentience” thing has been a part of my being since I was very young and understood what death meant. I knew even then in the deepest cell in the deepest part of my heart that I didn’t have the right to kill them, that no Supreme Being ever pointed a gigantic finger at me and said, “Hey, you! Because you’re bigger (definitely)/smarter (suspect)/more sentient (maybe), you have the right to decide whether this other living thing gets to live or die.” And once that concept wormed its way into my brain, I was done for.

All of this has just gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. And while it may sound like a deep moral/metaphysical/philosophical issue, what it really is is nothing more than a plebeian pain in the ass because…moths. And yarn. So last year, around the time of the first post, I just let the little bassers have the run of the house; I didn’t know what else to do. And the cats sucked—sucked, I tell you—at what they’re paid to do: catch and eat things when I’m not looking. (To quote from this earlier posting, “Apparently my personal Prime Directive is a little elastic. I can't do the dirty work myself but I can hire a contract killer.”) This year I planned on doing the same…until I went into my local Dollar Store and found this…


…a $1 Moral-Dilemma Solver, disguised as a butterfly net. So now I sit on the couch, watching TV, with this close at hand and when one of those little interlopers comes winging through, whoosh! It doesn’t work terribly well because, although you whoosh and the moth gets gulped into the net, as soon as there's no more whooshing and no more air pressure, it blithely flies right out again, refusing to recognize the Law of Whoosh. So, between the flying in and the flying out, I try to gently but quickly, quickly gather the top of the net together without squashing the moth. So far, so good. Five moths have been ushered out of the house (although, granted, one was missing a leg when all was said and done). I don't really count them as "five;" I count them as "all the eggs they didn't lay." All I can say is God had damn well better be watching so I get credit for this after I die.

Posted by Ryan at May 27, 2015 05:26 PM

Surely you can fill your house with things that discourage moths? Cedar? Lavender? Other-stuff-I-don't-know-about?

I'm not entirely sure they haven't banned together and are trying to evict you from the house. They may be more sentient and evil than you give them credit for.

Posted by: Laurie on May 28, 2015 11:39 AM

We seem to have moths but the don't appear to be interested in the wool, I think they're pantry moths. And I have no compunction about smooshing them whenever I can - these guys would win the Darwin Awards for sure as they just sit on a wall and WAIT to be smooshed.

Posted by: Caroline on May 29, 2015 05:13 AM

Coupla things. If you keep swooshing the net around while you walk out the door, that might keep the little bugger (see what I did there?) in it. Also: cedar chest. Massive cedar chest. Maybe multiple cedar chests. Or a cedar closet. In an upscale furniture store I saw a bedroom set whose every drawer and cubby was lined with cedar. A mere $7,000 and the set could have been mine. (Needless to say, it remained in said store.)

Posted by: kmkat on May 29, 2015 01:47 PM
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