January 30, 2011

Wait.... What?! How?! Dang.

Long time readers may remember this entry in which I mention that over the years I have made two Life Vows: (1) Never use a Neti Pot (came thisclose on that one but am still a Neti Pot virgin); and (2) never go to Las Vegas.

Yeah, about that.

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Me.

Here.

In Las Vegas.

For seven days.

One block off what I understand you Earthlings call “The Strip.”

When I break a Life Vow, I really go all out.

However, I’m here for training so 10 hours of each day will be spent in class so I can argue that I’m not really herehere.

Can’t I?


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I hate flying with every single cell of my being, down to the least hangnail. Needless to say, I spent a good part of today on a plane—a plane which wasn't too sure it wanted to stay up in the air. Maybe yes; maybe no; maybe yes; maybe no. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Uuuuuuuuup. Dooooooooown. Uuuuuuuuup. Dooooooooown. With the occasional sideways lurch for good measure.

Two things, however, made the trip bearable:

1. Crackers shaped like tiny airplanes. (I’ve never flown Southwest before. My sister informs me they do these sorts of things.) I'm particularly proud of this photo, by the way, given what I had to work with—a napkin and some crackers.

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2. A plane empty enough for your yarn to have its own seat:

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This was a vast improvement over the time my yarn rolled out of my lap, across the aisle and under the legs of two supercilious young executive types, one of whom didn't quite understand that if you pull on the strand of yarn, the ball will just keep merrily unrolling and unrolling right where it is. He made his displeasure with this turn of events very clear.

Unfortunately, a day that started with flying and ended up in Las Vegas got worse from there. If I had ever thought of it, there would’ve been a third "not-to-do" Life Vow on my list but it’s too late now.

The hotel is an extended-stay hotel with kitchenettes and such so offers no room service, and the only place nearby to get a meal was…

was…

was…

oh, the horror!

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I didn’t have my camera with me so the souvenir pen—which I asked for just for you, Dear Readers—will have to do as proof. Granted, the restaurant wasn’t a traditional Hooters, but it certainly was drowning in Hooters cooties. It was in the (vast) Hooters hotel, is owned and operated by Hooters, had only waitresses, the waitresses wore Hooter’s badges, everything from menu to bill screamed Hooters, Hooters, Hooters!, and I’m pretty sure it only exists to give families an alternative to the bodacious ta-tas at the real Hooters directly across the huge gambling hall. So now I have Hooters cooties. If only I could sterilize myself from head to toe by being zapped or irradiated, the way they do in science-fiction books...

So, Dear Readers, one Life Vow bites the dust in a spectacular way, and one would-be Life Vow never sees the light of day. If nothing else, this trip should be good for one or two more blog entries. Stay tuned.

Posted by Ryan at 09:46 PM | Comments (14)

January 11, 2011

How To Make Money Knitting: Step By Step Instructions

1. In 1990, start working at a law firm in their IT department.

2. Become friend with a co-worker.

3. Have co-worker leave company for greener pastures.

4. Work at law firm for 10 years but then have your boss embezzle two million dollars; have law firm go under; leave now-defunct company for greener pastures.

5. Fast forward 1 year to 9/11. Pick up knitting to deal with the anxiety and as a general counter-balance to a world that is too fast- paced.

6. Join a local knitting guild.

7. Be interviewed by a reporter who comes to the guild to investigate the upsurge of interest in knitting.

8. Have article published.

9. Have long-ago friend--who is, unbeknownst to you, an avid knitter--read article.

10. Have long-ago friend recognize your name and call you to talk knitting.

11. Meet up with friend again and then have her and your paths cross occasionally over the years.

12. Lose one job; find another.

13. Fast forward 10 years; lose second job.

14. Post entry in blog about losing job.

15. Learn that long-ago friend has written a remarkable letter of recommendation to the Powers That Be at her company.

16. Have Powers That Be contact you for interview and say, "Why, yes, indeedy. I would be happy to apply for the job!"

17. Interview, interview, interview.

18. Land job. Begin to earn salary.

19. During lunch hour, knit with friend.

See? Easy! Who says you can’t make money knitting?

Posted by Ryan at 11:31 PM | Comments (26)