October 18, 2012


So, let’s review, shall we?

A few years ago, an unexpected and devastating breakup that significantly altered...pert 'near everything.

Followed by: Three weeks spent in the loony bin.

Followed by: A long stretch of recuperation and experimenting with a variety of meds (not that kind of experimenting).

Followed by, last year: Multiple blackouts that landed me in the hospital for days with—to this day—no official diagnosis, at least not one that any two doctors have agreed on.

Followed by—and, needless to say, this wasn’t bad, just not expected: Moving to San Diego for many months for continued recuperation and much TLC.

Followed by a continued inability to walk in a straight line. Lots of wooziness, lots of dizziness, not much fun.

All interspersed with the loss of two—now three (see below)—jobs.

So, let’s see…. What did I leave out? Yes, what did I leave out? Hum… Let me think.

Oh, yes. Let’s add breast cancer to the big ol’ ugly pile.

Was diagnosed about three months ago, and, in very short order, had a lumpectomy and had a port implanted, and recently started 17 rounds of chemo (four of a combination of meds, 13 of just one) which will be jumbled together with six weeks of radiation. Am two rounds of chemo in and have been hospitalized four times. Fun times.

So the challenge is: How do you find the humor in having breast cancer? By discovering that your tumor is shaped exactly like a duck.

Not sort of like a duck.

Like. A. Duck.

A rubber ducky, actually. Sort of round and cute, with little wings and a pert tail. Think:


Part of the lumpectomy involved having the “duck” skewered with a metal wire. (It was just as painful and medieval as it sounded. Apparently cancer cells don’t numb well.) So friend Linda, who has stood by my side during this entire thing, made this in defiance of the tumor:


I can’t decide. It’s either the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen or the funniest. Sister would vote for most horrifying, I know. And now, presto-change-o, watch me relate this’all to knitting. The “skewer?” A metal dpn, at best guess, a 1. Ta-dah!

Posted by Ryan at 09:54 PM | Comments (28)