Dear Madame Glitchbane,
Lady Prudence Fiddletwist would love to attend Madame's soiree on June the 1st inst. However she is having just a teensy difficulty with transportation - her somewhat rusty teletransporter (bought at the rummage sale held on the set following the filming of the last Star Trek movie - you know Prudence's frugal habits) is frankly just not working. Prudence does not want to take the risk of accidentally being transported to Vanessa's Fiber Hell instead and so she will prudently stay at home. Please recommend her to all her friends who attend the soiree and promise them that she will host one herself in good time, in gratitude for the invitation.
Lady P.F.
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Dear Lady Fiddletwist,
Vanessa's Fiber Hell is certainly a place to be avoided but please keep in mind that if Vanessa herself is there then Hell is a Happy Place. The soiree will suffer from your absence, and we do hope you will join us in the future.
Sincerely,
Madame Glitchbane
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Hey Fiddletwist! We don't need yer kind around here nohow. Jest keep yerself outta Happy Holler and git yer own congregatin' activity goin'.
-Ermadine Swett
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Dear Prudence,
Please ignore the rudeness of Ms. Swett. She was abandoned at the altar many years ago and does not wish anyone to experience the happiness of which she was deprived.
Kind regards,
Arabella
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Dear Madame Glitchbane,
Is it true that spinning counterclockwise makes time go backwards? I've heard rumors that if you wear a clock vest or stockings with clocks on them while spinning that you can actually be transported to 18th century Scotland. I really need to know, because those big stones in my back yard just aren't doing it for me.
Sincerely,
Claire Lee Taken
-------------------
Dear Miss Taken,
The truth is, spinning either clockwise or counterclockwise (S or Z twist) causes time to advance at a more rapid pace than normal (rather than go backwards). This is easily demonstrated. Sit at your spinning wheel (with or without a clock vest on) and note the time. Begin spinning, and after 15 minutes look at the clock. You will see that 3 hours have elapsed.
As to traveling backwards in time, this requires a special tea which is formulated specifically for the time traveler, coded to his DNA. It creates a parallel DNA-like time structure or structures which you can imagine are like rows of knitting. Depending upon the brew time, a theoretical "stitch" is then dropped, raveling you back to a previous "row", or time. I've never experienced this myself, it was explained to me by a very old crone (the one who established the Old Crone Whiskey brand so long ago...) One must be careful, she warned, that one does not go all the way back to the cast-on, because it might have been provisional.
Sincerely,
Arabella V. Glitchbane
------------------
Dear Claire Lee,
I know! I know! If you buy that beautiful Suri Alpaca from America's Alpacas (which would look soooo lovely on you in the Broadway Black!!) and went out to the Stones, how could they ignore you?? Especially if you brought your Mother Marion's Magnificent Spinning Machine along to show how well you can spin!! Oh, and you have to have something to be spinning, so how about some of the gorgeous Chasing Rainbows silk and merino that you can get from the Yarn Barn of Kansas?!! O my god, you would be so delighted with it, I can tell you, it's so soft and shiny and easy to spin!!
Cheers,
Tippie Jane
p.s. ssshhh, Madame doesn't know I read her mail!!
=============================
Dear Madame Glitchbane,
Is it true that you serve spirits at your soirees?
Signed,
Temperance
------------------------------
Dear Temperance,
Madame believes in refreshments for all, living or dead.
Sincerely,
A.V. Glitchbane
Posted by Sheila at May 30, 2003 11:54 AM | TrackBackMy dear, I always assume every cast-on is provisional unless I personally know otherwise! Ermadine, child, take one IPK and call yerself in the morning.
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