January 21, 2004
Cheap Laughs
Still on the subject of Christmas gifts, in the box of Yuletide treasures sent to me by my sister was a “Jokelopedia.” I put the book in the bathroom for the amusement of those who are compelled to read while answering the call of nature. At first, the book proved to be only mildly amusing—but that’s because I didn’t know The Secret to Reading a Joke Book. The trick is, you have to get someone else to sit on the toilet and shout the jokes at you through the closed door. Then, the jokes become eye-wipingly, side-splittingly funny. Try it. Here’s a joke or two for you to practice with. Get a loved one to go into the bathroom, drop trou, sit on the porcelain throne and shout this through the door.
What do you get when you cross a serial killer with a pair of pants?
Jack the Zipper.
Or try:
If you crossed a chicken with a cow, what would the offspring say:
Cock-a-doodle-moo.
Or my favorite:
What do you get when you cross a SWAT team with an octopus?
A bomb squid.
See?
Knitting Knews
Quick! Run outside and see if the moon is full! It’s not, you say? No! No! It must be since that’s the only possible explanation for this:
Yes, this, Dear Readers, is The Mysterious K’s very own swatch, done with some leftover Cascade 220 and size, oh, about 15 needles. I tell you, the process was not pretty. By the time she was done with this, we were both sweaty, exhausted, wild-eyed, and a little twitchy. Nope, I need fear no knitting competition from that quarter. But, you say, what about the smaller, more-regular stitches on the left? Doesn’t that mean she was improving? Shouldn’t I have given her the benefit of the doubt? No, Dear Readers, those were the stitches I knit to get her started.
But, in the interest of family harmony, here is a picture of her finished bookstand, sanded, oiled and proudly holding her DVDs, which fit poifectly. A beauty, non, especially for a first woodworking project? Rumor has it her next project will be a set of three nesting tables. Sounds rather grand until you hear TMK’s more exact description which is: One table, which may or may not be followed by a smaller one, which may or may not be followed by an even smaller one, depending on how everything goes. I say, chicken!
I'm impressed by the bookshelf -- I see that there's some thing going on with careful fitting of some pieces of wood into others, and I figure that's not easy.
Yay, TMK!
Posted by: Anne on January 21, 2004 10:26 AMYes, there is a lot of Slot A into Slot B in the making of the bookstand. However, what you see are the second set of little pegs she made. The first set fit perfectly, that is until she sanded the crap out of them. Then they mysteriously didn't fit quite as securely and, in fact, slipped entirely through their little holes. Hmmmmm, what do you suppose happened?
Posted by: Ryan on January 21, 2004 10:33 AMTMK knits like my Sis. For Sis, every knit stitch is half purled which is why I am making her Green Mountain Spinnery mittens(with Schaefer top) instead of working on my perfect sweater #2 (hint,hint Ryan) which I need to wear in two weeks . Is your woodworking ability comparable to TMK's knitting?
Posted by: Debra on January 21, 2004 12:34 PMVery perceptive of you to ask about my woodworking ability, Debra, because TMK and I had that exact conversation. After the knitting fiasco, we laughed about how if I tried to do anything with her router, I'd end up running it all over the walls and floor and ceiling, completely out of control. Yes, in short, my woodworking skills are comparable to TMK's knitting. TMK, anything you want to add to this?
Okay, okay; I saw the hint about the perfect sweater! While I'm not usually known for having a large number of UFOs, right now I have FOUR (!), my Perfect Sweater included. It is definitely still "alive" and in the cycle and I'll most likely get back to it after I finish the Aran pillow. Inquiring minds want to know, Debra--what pattern are you using for your perfect sweater? (Or did I already ask you that in one of our emails to each other?)
Posted by: Ryan on January 21, 2004 01:22 PMAnne: Yes, the fitting on this little bookstand was complicated. Lots of inny-bits and outy-bits. The cool thing about this is that there are no nails or glue. It is held together by the wooden pegs I made (twice).
Debra/Ryan: I *would* like to comment. Since I am perfectly happy making loud noises and using power tools, a knitting machine would be a perfect match for my knitting skills--as long as Ryan put the yarn on the machine for me!
And...Ryan would be perfectly happy in a woodworking shop if she could use the power tools with her eyes tightly shut, hands curled into little balls jammed into her ears, standing at least 10 feet from the tool in question, in a corner. ;-)
Posted by: The Mysterious K on January 21, 2004 02:04 PMTMK - ROFL! Myria says that her reaction to power tools would be about the same as Ryan's. Nice job on the little shelf; it looks tres cool!
Ryan - The jokes thing? It's not quite the same (though it's equally silly, therefore fun)- we make up acronyms. This afternoon while making a turn, I hit the gas pedal only to get an engine roar and no forward acceleration. Of course I was still in neutral. I thought about this for a second and started to giggle. "PIIGS" Myria looked quizically at me and I explained "Put it in gear, stupid!" She said I worry her :)
Posted by: Robbyn on January 21, 2004 05:05 PMryan -- i lost your e mail -- did you get the indigo seeds okay?
Posted by: amber on January 22, 2004 07:49 AMRyan,
I was just curious about perfect sweater,I have my own UFO pile of shame(Does it count, if you hide them?). My pattern is www.knittingpureandsimple.com #994. The first sweater I knit took forever to put together and is way too big. The seams are pathetic (My son and husband do the sewing and I'm also not involved with the iron, so I did not press them) so I'm a top down woman now because I like trying it on as I'm going.
TMK,
Can you recommend an online source for herb seeds and the other paraphenelia for my window box herb garden?
Amanda: Yes, I received the indigo seeds. A big thank you hug goes out to you! I had no idea the seeds would be so small. See, the learning process has started already!
Robbyn: Speaking of "PIIGS," TMK and I love the movie "Babe" about the sheep-herding pig, and we love the line "That'll do, pig" at the end. On occasion, when one or the other of us has done a good job on something, the other person may say, "That'll do, pig." Of course, if we do this in public, people will look at us in horror, thinking the one person is actually calling the other a pig!
Debra: I let TMK know about your mail-order question. (Nice sweater on the Knitting Pure and Simple site!)
Posted by: Ryan on January 22, 2004 09:07 AMWord nerd needs to know: How come you knitters all say "knit" instead of "knitted" for the past tense?
Posted by: Fran on January 22, 2004 04:59 PMYep, I tried out those jokes on DD #1 (aged 17), and the first one about Jack the Zipper had her literally wiping her eyes. Good going, Ryan!
Posted by: Karen the Terrible on January 22, 2004 09:32 PMFran, to really fry your brain, why isn't it "knat?"
Karen, obviously DD#1 has a very sophisticated sense of humor...
Posted by: Ryan on January 23, 2004 08:43 AMHow about knatted?
Posted by: Fran on January 26, 2004 12:53 PMregarding the squid and S.W.A.T. team joke: my co-worker came up with: squad-a-pus. we both rolled with that one.
Thanks for the laughs today.
anj
Posted by: anj on January 30, 2004 09:18 AM