First, what for The Mysterious K and me is A Very Important Question and which might be An Opportunity for Some of Us to Grow Even a Little Closer: Are there any other Red Dwarf fans out there? This screwball science fiction spoof is our all-time, no holds barred, hands-down favorite British comedy, if not our all-time, no holds barred, hands-down favorite TV series. In fact, we’ve watched it so many times—especially now that the seasons are being released on DVD—that we can recite, complete with laughably bad British accents, an inordinately large number of lines along with the characters, a la “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Say it with me, TMK!
“Time to get BIG!” (Said by a character who is descended from cats the way humans are descended from apes, and who arches his back and tiptoes sideways whenever he’s startled or afraid. The first time we saw this, we were goners, we were hooked.)
“Gaz…pa…cho…soup.” (The last words said by a dying crewmember who is convinced that he never rose in the ranks because the one time he ate with high-ranking officers, he angrily and peremptorily sent his gazpacho soup back to the kitchen to be heated up, not realizing it was supposed to be cold.)
“Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.” (The catch-phrase said by the superhero-like alter-ego of one of the Red Dwarf crewmembers (in fact, the Gazpacho Soup Guy) every time he leaves the ship on a dangerous mission.)
"Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas!" ( The same catch-phrase as said by Mr. Gazpacho Soup in a failed attempt to emulate his alter-ego.)
“That’s mine, and that’s mine, and that’s mine…” (Said by the Cat, as he walks around the spaceship spraying things with a bottle of, well, male cat spray.)
“Would you like some toast?” (Said by Talkie Toaster, a sentient toaster who spends much of his time feeling undervalued and unappreciated)
"Mr. Flibble is very cross." ("Said" by a penguin handpuppet being operated by a holographic crewmember (in fact, again, Mr. Gazpacho Soup) who has contracted a holo-virus and has gone completely insane. This one is worth
a picture.)
Trust me, these are all knee-slappers if you know the series, but even if you don’t, I really am going somewhere with this…
The Red Dwarf spaceship has the ability to support one hologrammatic manifestation of one crewmember so, when a crewmember dies in the first episode, his funeral is immediately followed by a “welcome home” ceremony for his fully cognitive and sentient hologrammatic self. I always thought this was an amusing but farfetched construct until I discovered an amazing real-world parallel at my state job: Employees who “retire” (and who are often seen off with a grand fiesta) almost immediately reappear in the form of “consultants.”
As we speak, a staff member who has worked here for 30 years is getting ready to “retire” so the hostess with the mostest of the department (you know who I’m talking about; there’s one in every office) is making the usual retirement hullabaloo: Planning a party, sending cards around to be signed, collecting money, ordering flowers, arranging a potluck, etc. Remarkably, everybody has climbed on the farewell bandwagon and is behaving as if this is the last time we’ll ever see the dude, when we all know da-yum well he’ll boomerang his way right back into the office in a week or two as a “consultant” (albeit not in hologrammatic form, which would at least make it scientifically and sociologically interesting, and which would require him to wear a sparkly “H” on his forehead, as they do in Red Dwarf, which would amuse me to no end). Which all makes the card-signing and money-donating and gift-giving and smarmy testimonials, not to mention the grand fiesta, beyond ridiculous.
I do, indeed, work in a strange place.
*How the Cat identifies an anomaly space, and a catch-phrase for all true Red Dwarf fans.
Knitting Knews
The chemo cap project is starting to have some interesting twists size-wise because I don't have a clue how big to knit it. When the co-worker for whom I am knitting the cap, said yes, indeed, she did want a cap, thank you very much, she hinted at having a rather large head. However, short of walking up to her and slapping a measuring tape around her head (which, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I don't want to remind her that she may lose her hair, I don't want to do), I have no idea what "large" means. In fact, I've gone so far as to convince myself that she actually has a normal-sized head but that she has spent her entire life surrounded by small-headed people and doesn't know any better.
One curious side effect of this issue: I started to knit what I considered to be a larger version of the cap but frogged it after a couple of inches. However, before I frogged it, I slapped it on my own head to get a general idea of its size. It fit so well and with such lovely, grippy, massage-y, skull-encircling pressure that I immediately started drifting off to sleep, sitting bolt upright on the couch, wearing a 1.5" blue tube around my head.
Last night I started the cap again, only one needle-size larger. This should ensure that (a) it fits her and (b) I don't skewer myself on a metal needle as I, yet again, fall asleep with a 1.5" blue tube around my head.
Posted by Ryan at February 27, 2004 09:34 AMah, the eternal hat question???
making hats in texs becomes a truly frightening endeaver- if you are at all familiar with the inhabitants of this place you will know that many of us are afflicted with 'texas hair'- yes, big, and bouffy, and sprayed to within an inch of its life- a hat, properly sized or utterly out of proportion, can be truly frightening after an encounter with such hair (not to mention the interesting 'hat head' appearance of said texas-hair)- imagine mohair/angora/wool/whatever being pulled off of the hair leaving behind interesting wisps of fiber and taking with it residual hair spray- it isn't a pretty sight!!
umm, i think i've read somewhere that a 'large' hat should fit about a 23" head-
i will now go and entertain myself with more random thoughts- it certainly beats doing anything actually worthwhile-
Posted by: barb in texas on February 27, 2004 10:24 AMBarb, I always enjoy it when you leaves comments. They are always so funny!
"Texas hair" does sound pretty bad but TMK used to ride a motorcyle and, let me tell you, "helmet head" gives "Texas hair" a run for its money (although wispy bits of mohair/angora/wool don't usually fit into the picture--although I did recently run across a pattern for a head-covering you can wear under a helmet to keep your head warm in the winter).
As for the chemo cap, hair certainly does enter into the picture because I'm not sure if my co-worker knows if she truly has a large head or just large hair!
Thanks for the measurement, BTW.
Posted by: Ryan on February 27, 2004 10:44 AMI'm going to agree with Barb--large=23", the size I make for for my big-headed husband and best friend. But knitting is very stretchy, and chemo cap=no hair to get in the way, so a smidge smaller wouldn't be a disaster, I imagine.
Posted by: Melinda on February 27, 2004 10:48 AMMy company usually ends up sponsoring the Red Dwarf marathon on the local PBS station every year. I think. I probably missed it last year, but this year I may have to pay closer attention. Of course, without tv service at home, this might make it difficult. But there's always DVDs!
And your story about drifting off to sleep with the tube on your head cracked me up. *G* I tried on a hat I'd made for my mom out of Noro last week, and almost fell asleep at my desk. So warm, so comfortable, so... so.... zzzzzz..z.zzz.....
Posted by: perclexed on February 27, 2004 11:33 AM"It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
More or less ..."
Gotta love the Dwarf. Am looking forward to collecting the DVD's and hoping the quality is superior to the grainy film being shown on our local public TV station lately. Have you read the novels?
On the enormous noggin front, I concur that 23" should fit even the most gigantic cranium.
-Lo
whose favorite RD speech of all time has to do with "the last chicken in the shop look" and once actually made a Mr Flibble puppet
Aha! Red Dwarf fans are coming out of the woodwork, although Lori sounds like a TRUE fan since she can quote the lyrics of theme song and MADE a Mr. Flibble!
Lori, having the DVDS is a vast improvement over either waiting up until 11pm when the show is on or wading through the entire marathon--which we have done a time or two, running around and dealing with "real life" during the breaks, and then plopping ourselves back in front of the tv for the next episode! We only have Seasons 1 and 2 now. 3 and 4 are out, but we're waiting for them to go down in price before we buy them because they're quite spendy.
We are quite enamored of the "last chicken in the shop" scene, too. (TMK, a hint: Double-polaroid.)
Posted by: Ryan on February 27, 2004 12:59 PM"If you're in trouble he will save the day
He's brave and he's fearless come what may
Without him the mission would go astray
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
Without him life would be much grimmer..."
Ah, Kit, the RimmerWorld song... We sing this frequently, for no reason, and even stomp around, pumping our arms the way the little Rimmer figure does. Maybe we need to get professional help...
Posted by: Ryan on February 27, 2004 02:27 PMMelinda made an excellent point about no hair = smaller cap -
Another thing to keep in mind is that recently (and not usually) bared skin can be very sensitive - yarn must be very soft and not scratchy in any particular -
Bright colors and goofy adornments are more welcome than one might think - even a usually conservative person might just say "WotTheHell" and reach for the bright red with sparklies -
You have probably thought of all these things already, but for the most scary of reasons these little details are very much to the forefront of our family consciousness - all is well now, by the way, but I almost ran out of shiny beads ... .
Good thoughts, all of them, Childe. My biggest concern is scratchiness. My co-worker said "no wool, please," so I picked what I thought was a soft acrylic. It still is soft, even knit up--when I touch it with my hand, that is. When I rub it on my more-sensitive skin, like my face or my neck, I'm not so sure. As for the beads 'n' stuff, that's what I'm crying out to do, but this lady in particular is sort of conservative. Besides, I'm a slow knitter and I want to get this thing churned it so it's available when she needs it. Bottom line, this is my First Hat Ever, so if it doesn't work out, I'll chalk it up to experience and knit her a better one, based on all the great suggestions and hints you and the other Dear Readers have been passing along!
Posted by: Ryan on February 27, 2004 03:47 PMHow perfect - we just watched the commentary for Season 3 Episode 2 "Marooned" over dinner, and then I came upstairs and read your blog! It's a fabulous show - Marooned is probably one of my favorite episodes because the writing is so good - and the actors are a riot. The commentaries are not at *all* informative, or coherent, but they're hysterical. And have you ever heard Chris Barrie doing his imitations of the other cast members? It's uncanny - he does them better than they do themselves.
"The thing about black holes, see, the really major thing is, they're black. And the thing about space, see, the thing is, it's black..."
Aven! What a coincidence! Just Friday I was over at YOUR blog for the first time, laughing at your adorable bear and his cutie-patootie sweater!
Glad to see you, too, are a Red Dwarf fan! We'll have to check Series 1 and 2 and see what type of commentary is on there.
All this talk about Red Dwarf is forcing me get serious about deciding what my favorite episode or scene of Red Dwarf is and I find I can't pick just one! I love the first episode in its entirety, I love the Pete the Dinosaur/Time Wand series, the very first Kryten episode, any episode with Dwayne Dibbley, the Mr. Flibble episode, the "last chicken" episode Lori mentioned, the Queeg episode...oh, wait, I think I finally got it: My favorite episode and all-time favorite scene is the dinner scene in "Legion" when they try to eat with the Mimosian anti-matter chopsticks and end up flinging food around the room. What a RIOT!
Thank you everyone for wonderful, helpful comments and suggestions about the chemo-cap, and the great big day-long wallow in Red Dwarf humor! You have all made my day!
Posted by: Ryan on February 27, 2004 04:53 PMWe record Red Dwarf every week on our TIVO and watch it later. Our 12-year-old son, who's been watching since he was 7, I think, said upon showing us his latest report card, "Permission to look smug?" "Permission granted," we said. Then he gave us the full-blown Rimmer salute. He reads the season 8 scripts over and over again...
Of course, we recently had to explain what "smeg" was short for...
--Sylvia, owner of Corky and Rider, the esteemed corgis
Posted by: Sylvia on February 28, 2004 12:40 PMCount me in as another Red Dwarf fan :-)
My brother (who also loves the show) can't figure out why I still fall on the floor laughing at the "Tongue Tied" song even though I've heard it a zillion times...
He wore out his tapes watching them over and over so Jamie and I bought him a DVDF player for Christmas. Guess what he's getting for his birthday? :-)
Posted by: Sarah on February 28, 2004 05:42 PMyou quack me up :-)
Ooh, that reminds me - have you watched the full Tongue-Tied video on the extras dvd? It is *unbelievably* funny. I think I need to go watch it again...
Thanks, btw, Ryan - I'm glad you enjoyed my strange detour into bear-sweater design! It amused me, anyway - which is the basic point of knitting, as far as I'm concerned!
Posted by: Aven on February 29, 2004 09:07 AMFor years I was a bartender, and as a little wee person, (and a girl) my co-workers often worried how I would handle the drunk and disorderly.
"Puff up and look big" was always my answer.
Love the Cat.
I just wanted to let everyone know the effect of all the wonderful Red Dwarf comments. This weekend TMK surrendered and said, "Ta' heck with it. I GOTTA get series 3 and 4, even though they cost a lot." Woo-hoo!
Posted by: Ryan on March 1, 2004 11:16 AM