Mossy Cottage Knits

An Old Saw

After I posted and The Mysterious K read my entry for Friday, we commiserated a little bit, knowing that although the Red Dwarf topic was near and dear to our hearts, the series’ esoteric nature would probably make that day's entry of little interest to Our Dear Readers. We couldn’t have been more wrong! Red Dwarfians came out of the woodwork, quoting lyrics, quoting songs, and professing undying love for certain characters and scenes. Mwah and a big hug to all of you! Now back to eating lunch with my Mimosian anti-matter chopsticks and on to the Gratuitous Story of the Day.

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On Sunday, upon returning to The Mysterious K’s house after running an errand, I glanced out the kitchen window and saw TMK standing in the yard looking slightly pale, slightly wobbly on her legs, and taking in big gulps of air. No, she was not having a stroke or a heart attack; she was recovering from a bout with her arch nemesis, The Table Saw, specifically the old one she inherited from her father. Ever since, during her high school “shop” years, TMK personally saw someone divest himself of some fingers using a table saw, she has been justifiably terrified of them.* So, for her, using the table saw goes something like this:

(1) Spend a week trying to convince yourself that the piece of wood you're supposed to cut using the table saw looks fine just the way it is (in this case, table legs that were square that needed to be tapered).

(2) Realize that you’re just copping out and you know it. This is helped along by your ever-so-supportive partner saying, “You’re just copping out and you know it.”

(3) Spend another week girding your loins and, finally, getting up the nerve.

(2) Enter the woodshop and give the table saw the hairy eyeball.

(4) Decide that sanding some other project looks ever so much more interesting and important so you do that instead.

(5) Lured by the sunshine, you leave the woodshop and go check out the new plants in the dye garden.

(6) Decide you’re thirsty and need a Diet Coke so off you go to the kitchen.

(7) Grab a Coke and spend half-an-hour watching Router Workshop on TV.

(8) Decide you're hungry so you pop a bag of popcorn and eat same.

(9) Realize your pile of laundry has gotten monstrously big so you put in a load of laundry.

(10) Scan frantically around the house for some other excuse not to go out to the woodshop and realize there are no more excuses. It Is Time.

(11) Enter the woodshop and give the table saw the hairy eyeball.

(12) Set up the “pusher” system you designed that allows you to stand as faaaaaaaaar away from the blade as possible and yet still push the wood through, hoping the entire time a major natural disaster will strike—like, oh, I don’t know, the 6.8 earthquake we had a couple of years ago—so you don’t really have to go through with using the infernal machine.

(13) Saw the wood, wincing, squinting, gritting your teeth, and holding your breath the entire time.

(14) Finish cutting the wood and take in a big gasp of air—which turns out to be one part air and one part sawdust.

(15) Spend ten minutes coughing sawdust out of your lungs.

(16) Stand outside the woodshop looking pale and feeling faint and wobbly.

(17) When your partner comes outside and asks what’s wrong, act butchly nonchalant and say, “Why, nothing. Why do you ask?”

(18) Wait until your legs stop wobbling and your hands stop shaking. Realize that that was only one of 32 cuts you have to make. Feel faint and wobbly again.

(19) Recover; head back into the workshop. Give the table saw the hairy eyeball.

(20) Repeat steps 13-19.

Today, Monday, TMK is physically and mentally exhausted and is convinced she has used up her entire life-time supply of adrenalin but she is now the proud owner of four beautiful tapered table legs.

*The fingers were reattached. TMK reports she saw the fingers and the owner all together in one big happy package at her last class reunion.

Knitting Knews
The good news: The Aran baby sweater is finished, complete with four little gold buttons!

The bad news: The photos came out super crappy (bright sunlight, bright red yarn, bright gold buttons—not a good combination) so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow or this weekend to take more.

The good news: I got quite a bit done on the chemo cap this weekend so here be a couple of photos. The blue part is just plain stockinette; the green part has a simple lace motif scattered throughout it. Since the recipient said “no wool,” I just resorted to using some Red Heart TLC yarn. The colors are very rich and the hat is turning out quite soft!

The bad news: I have officially Knit Too Much. My right hand became stiff and cramped and uncooperative on Sunday, so I’ll have to lay off the knitting until it gets better. Drat, I say; drat!

Dye Garden Dyegest
The Germination Station is turning out to be a bit of a bust, despite our best efforts. About 80% of the seedlings have grown super-tall and spindly and have fallen over on the dirt in a melodramatic faint, despite all of our attempts at throwing light, light and more light at them. I don’t mind losing most of the seedlings but I really want to try to make the indigo work. I have plenty more seeds, so I'll just start uh-gain. Perclexed/Debra/Fran: How are things going with your seeds?

Posted by Ryan at March 1, 2004 01:02 PM