June 28, 2004
I Betray My Age…
Let me set the scene: The Mysterious K and I are on the phone discussing the various regular checkups a woman should have to maintain her health. A serious conversation, one would think. But, no, especially not when your partner insists on saying “mammogram” the way the landshark used to say “Candygram” on the old Saturday Night Live shows. Try it. I promise you at least one, good, big belly laugh. (And if you do find yourself sitting somewhere quietly whispering "mammogram" to yourself in a landshark voice, I wanna know!)
(For those of you too young to remember the original Saturday Night Live, or those of you who have never seen the show, period, the premise of the skit is that a shark is preying on women. To get them to open their apartment doors, he says in a clipped, high-pitched, and quasi-innocent tone, “Candygram!” The women fall for it, open the door, and get attacked and eaten, and you find yourself rooting for the shark because the women were just Too Stupid. It sounds lame in the telling but believe me, it had you on the floor. And now, even after all these years, if someone says “candygram,” you’re gone. And now, unfortunately, "mammogram" is starting to have the same effect.)
Knitting Knews
My poor brain, which only thinks in words and only sees in black and white, is about ready to short-circuit (be prepared for a puff of smoke, some sparks, and a strange burning smell) with this Fair Isle color and pattern design stuff, but I keep plugging away. Below a picture of the next part of my swatch with some new pink and midnight blue swirly bits added on top.
I finally understand the occasional mention I’ve seen of dark colors “showing through” under light colors. Because of the long stretches of pink (up to 13 stitches), I had to catch the blue floats in the back. When I was giving the swatch a good eyeballing, I noticed the pink looked a little “muddy” in parts, and then I realized it was the effect of the dark blue peeking through between the pink stitches, a eureka moment if I ever had one. I have now added some more design elements to the swirly thing so my blue floats can be shorter. (Well, that certainly is empowering, saying nonchalantly, “I have now added some more design elements.” Me, hesitant me, adding design elements with wild abandon! Next, I'll be knitting in the nude!)
A question for any Fair Islers out there: What do you do when you transition from one pattern to the next? Always put a small peerie in between? Forget the peerie and just start the next pattern? Insert a couple of lines of plain color, the way I did with the yellow section above? Or, all of the above?
Woodworking World
Things have been a-brewin’ out in the backyard shed, the result of which was a beautiful mirror for over TMK’s mantle. I love it, TMK loves it…Frankie, not so much.
TMK brought the mirror into the house to see how it looked over the mantle (and, I suspect, so she could drool over the truly lovely objet whenever she felt the urge) and then just propped it up against the wall until she had acquired all the bits and bobs she needed to hang it. Although Frankie has seen many mirrors in her lifetime, this one seemed to completely throw her for a loop. Every time she walked past it she, she would grow very still, creep close enough to the mirror to smear doggie-nose-slime on it, and would start growling in a quiet but ominous way. We captured one of those moments for posterity:
We finally took pity on her and turned the darn thing around, but not before crossing our fingers that she would walk past it just…one…more…time.
Alright Blog Mistress, this is getting serious now. You just cannot have your personal stalker out of commission by having her choke to death on her morning coffee or having third degree internal nose burns from said coffee. It's just not right. And now I have images of the landshark lurking outside apartment doors with mammogram equipment. Hold please. Giggle fit.
I, for one, am extremely impressed with your brazen addition of design elements. Luckily I had swallowed the coffee before I got to you knitting in the nude. I'm trying not to giggle over the newspaper headlines about "Woman injured by DPNs in Unmentionable Places." I've sat on a knitting needle fully clothed...it hurt...so don't ask me why the thought of sitting on one nude (It's nekkid in Texas)sends me into eye tearing fits of laughter. It just does. I am a sick woman.
All laughter stopped when I reached The Mirror. Wow. Just....wow. TMK, it's just beautiful. And who's lovely knees? Va va voom! It was a long weekend....not quite as long as this post...hehe
Hope everyone has a great day!!!
Posted by: Stalker Angie on June 28, 2004 11:48 AMThose are MY lovely knees and, although it looks as if I was coming thisclose to getting an "upskirt" shot, I was, in fact, wearing dark shorts.
My apologies to your nose. And I like "nekkid" much better. Wish I'd used it.
Posted by: Ryan on June 28, 2004 11:52 AM*sigh.. I loved landshark... And my fave was jane curtain refusing to open the door to any of them (candygram, pizza delivery boy, etc) until he said "face on the cover of time magazine" and she primped herself up and opened the door! go landshark! (and from now on, I will hear mammagram a wee bit differently.) THANKS!
saw that the yarn harlot talked about you today. made me smile. and frankie's antics made me smile even more. your fair isle is amazing... if you are having problems with the darkness of the color, perhaps you need to go with a lighter one, altho I like it the way it is. design elements.. listen to you! congrats all around.
Posted by: anj on June 28, 2004 12:29 PMAnj: I had forgotten exactly how the "landshark" shtick went so I got on line and found lots of pages with all of the gory details. I had forgotten specifically what you mentioned, that the shark tried all sorts of different disguises to get inside the apartment, like flower delivery, Publisher's Clearing House, plumber, and a dolphin. Too funny.
Thanks for the encouragement and support in the Fair Isle arena!
Posted by: Ryan on June 28, 2004 01:44 PMI can hear it now... "mammy-gram". I'll be chuckling all night.
Posted by: Jen on June 28, 2004 01:58 PMJen, you got it just right. We started out saying "mammogram," and it deteroriated into "mammygram" in a very short period of time.
Posted by: Ryan on June 28, 2004 02:11 PMFrightful -- landsharks, mammygrams, peeries(!?) -- and delightful -- design elements, woodworking, dog slobber. :)
Posted by: Norma on June 29, 2004 07:11 AMOk. I'm sitting in a B&B in Richmond-on-Thames, saying "Mammygram" to myself.
Darn that Mysterious K.
Nice legs, cookie.
Nice Fair Isle swatch!! ;-D Nice mirror too, TMK!
Posted by: Lisa in Oregon on June 29, 2004 08:39 AMThe Monterey Bay Aquarium currently has a shark exhibit and the Landshark skit is prominently featured in the area where they discuss the cultural significance of the shark. The whole skit is run on a video loop. Gilda Radner. I actually got choked up watching it. Of course there's also my other favorite Candygram bit, from Blazing Saddles. Only now I'm hearing "Mammygram for Mongo! Mammygram for Mongo!"
Posted by: Nathania on June 29, 2004 01:53 PMGoodness. I was still snarkling at this post when my CARD came in the mail, instructin me to call for my appointment. I rang, and just when she answered *radiOLOGY*, I asked for my Mammygram appointment and started Snorting most unbecomingly into the phone. The nice lady on the other end thought I was distraught (or choking or something) but the more she said *Ma'am, are you alright?* the more I descended into what can only be described as embarassing fits of laughter. The only thing I could think of to say before I hung up (without an appointment) was....
"Never Mind".
snort.
Ryan, you are so funny! I suspected you must be a kindred spirit after the Red Dwarf post but now I am positive. For some reason 'mammogram' has always made me think of the landshark skits but I seemed to be the only one to think it was funny (well, except my husband who 'got' it).
We met at one of Sheila's soirees awhile back. I haven't been able to attend any subsequent gatherings because they have managed to fall on the weekend before finals each time but I hope to make it to one again at some point. Thanks for sharing your humor on the blog. I read it regularly even though I don't comment.
Denise
I find that to be true. Another thing that 50 cent seems related to me: when the focus of a band victorias secret is several different songwriters writing their victorias secret own material and alternately using the rest mortgage of the band as back-up or as session musicians hair style (and even more noticeably when a band has harry potter initially been more of the collabourative, buying a home holistic bent), the music is seldom as good. art Examples I can think of immediately: Spacemen news
Posted by: weather channel on July 19, 2004 11:35 PM