Our Dear Readers' discussions about Thanksgiving and turkey and tofurkey (and, although it wasn’t mentioned but should have been, the anti-tofurkey) reminded me of The Mysterious K’s and my Carnivorous-Cooking Code. In short, because I was a vegetarian for quite a few years and only reluctantly returned to eating meat (you don't have much choice when you realize you're not big on vegetables either), we cook only Meat That Doesn’t Look Like Its Source. Beef stew meets the Code standards because there’s no such thing as a tiny, cube-shaped invertebrate. Ditto chicken stir-fry because there’s no such thing as a small, white-ish, pink-ish, strip-shaped invertebrate (except earthworms, and let's just not go there). We eat hotdogs because there’s nothing shaped like…never mind. And, at Thanksgiving, TMK makes only a turkey breast because, remove the legs, and what’ve you got? Some extraterrestrial, flat-sided, legless, single-boned creature that certainly never existed on this planet.
Which, in turn, reminds me of one of the most fun things we’ve ever invented, the Mini-Meal. A few years ago, TMK and I stumbled across champagne grapes which are tiny, maybe ½” across, which led us to realize just how many miniature foods are on the market, which led us to waste a good hour planning an entire imaginary banquet made with real but miniature food. Behold:
Cornish game hens (we ignored the Carnivorous-Cooking Code for this game)
Baby corn
Baby carrots (which, incidentally, according to an article I read recently, are not fresh, young, extra-tender baby carrots at all, just the ends of regular but too-misshapen-to-sell carrots, cut and shaped to fool you, the consumer. Who knew?)
Champagne grapes
Grape tomatoes (you know, those tiny ones that are even smaller than cherry tomatoes)
Crabapples
Baby new potatoes
Quail eggs (How cute would these be fried?)
Pastina or orzo (those tiny little pastas used in soups)
Baby peas
And the après-dinner coffee? Why, served in demi-tasse cups, of course!
Can you add anything more, Commune Members?
Oh, and, Cuzzin Tom, smooches, and let me know if you need help getting Mr. Ear reattached after our 3-hour telephone marathon last night. Yep, Dear Readers, you read right: 3, three, trois, tres, hours, stopped only by the untimely death of a telephone battery. We're family; we hadn't actually talked in ten years; what can I say?
Knitting Knews
I went to Ferals on Monday and trotted out the finished but still-in-pieces Baby Norgi as proof that I still, albeit minimally, qualified as a member of that Fair Isle knitting group. Some of the wiseacres at the table thought they could actually pull off the Janine Pillow trick again and make me cut the steeks then and there, but I was waiting for 'em. They tried, oh, how they tried, but certain Wise Women had advised me that machine-washable yarn, such as the Baby Ull I used, will indeed unravel if you don't sew the steeks first so I brandished this piece of information about as my shield, my sacred amulet, and sent the conspirators scuttling back to their dark holes. But they weren't done, those schemers. Apparently, Janine of the Janine Pillow will be at the next Ferals next Monday, and the Feralites have now challenged me to have the Norgi finished before then. We shall see; we shall see...
In the meantime, I’m still plodding along on Faina. I added an extra repeat but I have a sinking feeling I’ll need to add yet another. Pooh. And double-pooh. And triple-pooh because, like an idiot, I just whipped out my calculator and figured out that each repeat is almost 5000 stitches, 4,819 to be exact. Why did I do that? Why?! Why?!
Posted by Ryan at December 1, 2004 10:40 AMI think chocolate bars broken into little pieces count....
Posted by: Janine on December 1, 2004 11:05 AMOr, how about mini-Nestle-chips wrapped up in tin foil like tiny Hershey's kisses, Janine?
Although you do realize we're talking about *eating* the Commune's new currency...
Posted by: Ryan on December 1, 2004 11:15 AMcoleslaw from shredded brussels sprouts? filet of guppy (or goldfish for a more substantial meal)?
i think you said the directions for faina ran to many many lines, so i can just imagine what the line-by-line directions for yours with its added repeats would look like- i still think it is one of the prettiest scarf patterns available and plan one eventually (like, the day before hell freezes over)-
stay happy-
Posted by: barb in texas on December 1, 2004 11:17 AM"Filet of guppy?!" Barb, you have me rolling on the floor. *Seriously* rolling! Too funny!
Posted by: Ryan on December 1, 2004 11:22 AMHow about Langostinos (like mini-lobsters)? Gherkin pickles and babybel cheeses cut into wedges? M&Ms minis and/or little tarts cut like pies for desert?
I love things like this!
Posted by: Shannon on December 1, 2004 11:42 AMOoh don't forget petits fours! Sounds so yummy. And a nice filet mignon....that would work right? Please?
Filet of guppy was too funny. Could we use Crawfish for lobster tails? A little butter sauce...mmmm
Ok now that I am starving, hope everyone has a great day!
Posted by: Stalker Angie on December 1, 2004 11:51 AMI recently purchased the cutest package of baby sweet potatoes (each about 1 1/2 inches), which were enough to make me also want a mini-meal (so I also got the darling mini zucchini). My husband claims that "little and cute" is no reason to purchase food. I don't believe him.
Posted by: Sarah on December 1, 2004 12:13 PMI've seen mini frozen quiche - SO adorable. Pearl onions? Cocktail Wieners? (none of these are as good as filet of guppy...)
Posted by: melissa on December 1, 2004 01:01 PMahh, another urban myth destroyed. and here i thought that the baby carrots were really baby carrots. i am off to find the mini chocolate chips.
Posted by: marti on December 1, 2004 01:10 PMOh, and what could be better than those teeny wild strawberries???
I just realized that the commune member who stuck to Atkins the longest would be the richest...
Why did you do Faina? When people ask me if I hand knit something at small gauge, in a tone of amazement mixed with disparagement, I just reply that I like to knit. So, you're getting a lot of opportunity to knit!
Looking forward to joining the Ferals again and seeing the Baby Norgi, finished or unfinished. Ditto the Janine Pillow! Is TMK gonna join us?
Posted by: Janine on December 1, 2004 01:12 PMAm I the only one who calls baby new potatoes "dirt berries?"
Posted by: The Mysterious K on December 1, 2004 01:12 PM"Dirt berries" reminds me of one of my favorite phrases, "cackle berries," which means eggs!
Loving the comments, Dear Readers! You are all too funny!
Janine, I knit Faina because I think it's gawjus, and still do. The two, three extra repeats is a surprise but I realize it's a direct result of my choice to use a finer yarn and smaller needles so the scarf wouldn't be a honkin' 10.5" wide, as it is in the original pattern. The good news is, extra repeats or not, I'd still knit it again--which is saying something. Oh, and, yes, TMK WILL be at the next Ferals, specifically because she knows you will be there. Can't wait!
Posted by: Ryan on December 1, 2004 01:20 PMI knew that about the baby carrots. Filet of guppy.......hardy-har-har-harrrrrrrr!
Posted by: Norma on December 1, 2004 01:48 PMI think if I were starting this blog anew, I would seriously want to call it "Filet of Guppy." I know, I know; has nothing to do with knitting but how could I resist?
Posted by: Ryan on December 1, 2004 02:01 PMHow about M&M's Minis?
Posted by: Natalie on December 1, 2004 04:16 PMBaby artichokes. Pattypan squash. Currants. Capers. Wee cherry peppers.
I think we got the fixins for a feast here, my fellow communitarians!
Posted by: Kristen on December 1, 2004 05:01 PMOh dear--I didn't mean my question about Faina to sound so, hmmm, sarcastic or anything! I meant it to be rhetorical, really, sort of "Don't be discouraged--you like to knit and this is worth it." I've gotten to be so heavy-handed with words that I oughta hang up my keyboard (I can't count how many transposed letters I managed to type just now).
Glad TMK will join the Ferals! She's got to bring her chest with her... The disadvantage of woodworking just became really apparent.
Posted by: Janine on December 1, 2004 05:22 PMLurker chimes in....
Miniature chocolate eclairs
Miniature Cream Puffs
Miniature Cheesecakes
All at the grocers this time of year!
AnnaMarie
Knitting means you can't eat!
All cross-eyed and weird today, but I will say that here in the SW we have plenty of "manzanita" bushes. The word means "little apple" in Spanish. We could whip up a batch and serve thimblefuls of applesauce.
Champagne grapes are the coolest. We used them as garnish a lot in DC catering.
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 1, 2004 06:49 PMJanine, your message didn't come across as sarcastic at all, which means that your msg--which you meant pleasantly--and my message--which I meant pleasantly--just became sorta ships passing in the night! No prob, missy--I knew what you meant with your question, and didn't take any offense at'all!
Posted by: Ryan on December 1, 2004 07:21 PMHow about those tiny little shrimps, only you put them on wee tiny liqueur glasses with the cocktail sauce inside and then....wait. I have to stop.
i wanna be a feral, whaaaahhhhh
Posted by: vanessa on December 2, 2004 03:45 AMLet's not forget those miniature eggplants...very cute in white and aubergine.
Posted by: Judy on December 2, 2004 05:52 AMWhat about miniature marshmallows?
We could roast them on toothpicks over candle flames, put them on a couple of teddy grahams with a miniature chocolate chip and have tiny smores!
Posted by: Rachel on December 2, 2004 06:06 AMKnee-slapper-wise, I gotta say the mini-s'mores give the guppy filets a run for their money. Very funny, Rachel!
Posted by: Ryan on December 2, 2004 10:46 AMAm I the only one giggling over the thought of TMK NOT taking her "chest" to ferals? Or the fact that Janine is now very interested in said chest and now finds working wood a disadvantage? Yes, I just woke up and my mind is still in the gutter. I'll shut up now. My apologies Janine. Sorry Blog Mistress. I'll just sit over here and giggle to myself like the idiot I am. *Snort*
Posted by: Stalker Angie on December 2, 2004 11:39 AMNope, Angie, You are not the only one with yer mind in the gutter:)
What about the french beans when they are Tiny tiny tiny, smaller than a pencil in diameter?
'Course if you're being splurgy, you could serve crayfish with a tiny slice of kumquat and a coupla drops of drawn butter. And since you're born in Peru, you could always combine it with guinea pig tenderloin for a truly peculiar surf 'n' turf.
OK, I'm going to take my medication now...
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 2, 2004 12:54 PMWhaaaaa with Vanessa at not being at Ferals - please make me hellos - for miniature food I vote for those little miniature egg tarts and bbq pork filled buns you can get at dim sum - mmmmmm.
I, too, paused before hitting the Post button over the issue of "chest," but I thought it might be overly sensitive to wonder whether others would "take it the wrong way." I should have known this crowd better than that!!!
And we can decorate the table with a miniature pumpkin carved out and lit by a little birthday candle. With bonsai trees on the table as well.
Vanessa--you'll be meeting up with a bunch of Ferals at the Madrona Fiber Arts retreat, so hand on til February. I'm looking forward to meeting you in person then!
Posted by: Janine on December 2, 2004 02:04 PMVanessa, Janine--you are BOTH going to be at Gig Harbor?!!! I hadn't signed up this year, but I'm starting to change my mind! Yep, I think I'd better go check the Madrona Fiber Arts site and see if there're any classes that interest me...
Posted by: Ryan on December 2, 2004 03:38 PMWas anyone else unsettled by the image of "bbq pork filled buns"? Just asking...
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 2, 2004 06:20 PMcaviar...done scrambled, omelette (not sure how to go about not breaking the yolk), or poached and put into itty bitty cups!
Posted by: Carine on December 4, 2004 01:15 PM*Young* baby cauliflowers, the size of a mandarin.
Tiny baby mussels that you find on the outsides of oyster shells.
Its-bitsy crabs.
BTW, I've had lake crayfish, back when I lived in Toronto. They're delicious.
Why yes, I *am* fond of seafood. How can you tell?
--Chris, de-lurking. (And I've gone back and read the whole blog, too.)
Posted by: Chris Robertson on December 4, 2004 10:20 PM