December 06, 2004
Family Yarns
Ah, I feel vindicated! True, I was mistaken (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa) to think at first that Cuzzin Tom had an entire blog entry to share with us so, when he declared that all he really had was a “coupla sentence add-on,” I apologized to him. Lamely, but I apologized. Hey, he's family; I don't have to be sincere. But something was nagging at me. In the recesses of my mind, a little voice was whispering, this is Cuzzin Tom we’re talking about. He's a prolific writer; he's verbose, at least in a way that allowed him to hold his own during our three hour phone-a-thon; and, hell, some of his comments are longer than my blog entries. Surely he’ll come up with more than a “coupla sentence add-on.”
And so it was…
Below, Dear Reader, is what our Communal Cuzzin has to say to us. Pay special attention since it is For You and About You:
Dear “Dear Reader:”
I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you these past several months. You’ve been very sweet, allowing a non-knitter, and a congenitally smart-alecky one at that, to hang around and comment on the proceedings.
But really, I sense there’s something more between us. Now, I was raised by my mother and two older sisters (and a grandmother and two aunts and eight older first cuzzins, six of whom are women, one a flaming queen, and one a total het outlier like me but not expressing it by taking lifetime vows of celibacy), so I feel totally comfortable saying this — we need to talk about our relationship.
I mean, aren’t you surprised by how close we’ve become so quickly? Yeah, me too. I thought it was just going to be a lark, no big deal. But do you feel what I feel? That there’s something deeper and more significant just below the surface? I know! It’s amazing, isn’t it?
And, well, I’ll just come out and say it. I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level and I sense that you are too. And specifically what I mean by that is that I want you to allow me to exploit you for personal gain.
Oh, come on. I’m a writer. We’re voyeuristic parasites. You knew that.
But seriously, my favorite subject to write about is a subculture devoted to an unusual activity (perhaps because I live it) or, in this case, devoted to a normal activity in an unusual way, especially if it involves a special language using words like “tink, “frog,” “steek” and “roving.”
I’ve become fascinated by the resurgence in the fiber arts. In particular, I’ve been touched by how this gentle art fosters community, with a special interest, of course, in the burgeoning virtual ones. And I’ve also noted with delight that there are those who are making knitting hip. And I’m really interested in those who have picked up knitting as a comforting response to a violent, conflicted world. And the thread of feminism, appropriating the language of patriarchy (“bitch”, “harlot”) as a badge of honor and connecting with wilder instincts (“feral”, etc., even if it’s ironic). All that.
So I want to write about it, and I’d like you to participate.
I’m looking to start with some email correspondence, particularly if you’re one of the following:
- Someone who’s come to knitting post-9/11, or in direct response to other trauma
- Someone who’s from a long lineage of knitters and learned it practically from birth
- Someone who organizes regular local gatherings (or major national ones)
- Other blog mistresses or masters
- Someone who is isolated in his or her knitting and only connects with other knitters via the internet
- A heterosexual man who knits, and not just as a tactic for getting laid
- Someone under 25, preferably a teenager, who knits
Thank you all, and I’m sorry my supposed two sentences became this utter hijacking. Maybe now Ryan has some Knitting Knews?
Knitting Knews
This weekend would have been the usual quiet two days if it hadn’t been for a bit of marital strife. Mid-last-week I got the urge to cobble together a quick-to-knit, bulky, soft, cozy, navy blue 2 x 2 rib scarf. So, I purchased two skeins of this, a bulky yarn spun from baby alpaca fleece:
At some point I blithely tossed one skein to The Mysterious K to feel—and a strange change came over her. She stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes glazed over. She started rocking gently back and forth. A strange rumbling came from her throat, which disturbed me greatly, until I realized…she was purring.
And so began the Battle of the Yarn.
My goal this weekend was to make a big dent in the knitting o’ the scarf so I could start wearing it as soon as possible since the Seattle weather has officially turned inhospitable. But, curiously, my yarn kept disappearing. Or the scarf would disappear. Or both. Or, as I was knitting along, I would feel two eyes boring burningly into my hands. And they would keep boring. And keep boring until, to keep peace in the family, I would hand the alpaca over to TMK for a few minutes of playtime, which consisted mostly of kneading the yarn with her eyes half-closed, the way a cat kneads your stomach before it lies down.
During this time, however, I felt a curious undercurrent of frustration woven throughout TMK’s screamingly evident adoration of the yarn. What it meant I didn't know until, at one point, when she was in possession of the yarn, she declared from the recesses of her leather recliner, “Ryan, I don’t think you really understand,” whereupon she got out of her recliner, lay down on the floor, and rolled around on the floor clasping the yarn to her chest. Then she stood up, brushed herself off, and declared “That is how much I love this yarn.” Dear Readers, I am not making this up.
And if you need any further proof of her obsession, hover your mouse over the picture of the yarn and see what TMK, who took and processed and saved the photo, named it.
Screw the lifetime subscription to the Lumber of the Month club, I think TMK needs her own stash of alpaca! Perhaps you could line her chest with it? (Double entendre wickedly intended.)
I am disappointingly too damn boring for CT's writing project, but it sounds fascinating! I hope he'll share the results with us.
Posted by: Kristen on December 6, 2004 10:45 AMHang in there Ryan. It is only a matter of time until TMK is going to WANT TO KNIT. Purring is a good sign. Keep taking said yarn away. The more she is deprived, the more she will want it. Maybe you could tell her that she could have her very own baby alpaca scarf if she learns only two little stitches. Otherwise, be prepaired to let go of the scarf when you are finished knitting it. Good luck.
Posted by: Casey on December 6, 2004 10:49 AMKristen, your double-entendre was not too far from the truth. The currently unused alpaca skein and the existing half-scarf spent considerable time inside TMK's shirt. I did not, however, put them there. She did.
Casey, curiously, the only knitting thing TMK has ever expressed an interest in is spinning. I've tried, oh, how I've tried to get her to knit, but the results were awful. Even *she* would tell you the results were awful. Get her near a spinner, though, and she will watch for hours, again, like a cat, enthralled with...something enthralling. As for the battle over the scarf, she has declared she has Enough Scarves but would settle, instead, for a hat knit out of the luscious angora.
Posted by: Ryan on December 6, 2004 10:50 AMRyan-
how could you do this to her?? don't you remember how she hummed for days after seeing the alpacas at a local wool fest?? come on! didn't you see this coming?
if she is wanting to spin I say let her spin alpaca for you to use. thereby making both of you happy. she gets to fondle the alpaca by spinning and you get to make it into wonderous stuff.
:)
Posted by: anj on December 6, 2004 11:02 AMSounds like a 'nother scarf will be needed! Thanks for the chuckle ;-)
Posted by: Jean on December 6, 2004 11:10 AMNote to self: Yes, it is possible for your Dear Readers to remember the events in your life (i.e., the alpaca festival, the humming) better than you do.
(Wink, wink, Anj!)
Posted by: Ryan on December 6, 2004 11:10 AMI adore the baby alpaca grande... I made a scarf aout of it, then sold the scarf, and have gone into withdrawal ;-) I'd like to think I'll wait until I finish my holiday knitting to buy more and make another, but I know it's not gonna happen...
Posted by: Shannon on December 6, 2004 11:35 AMYes I think you can find an entire decade's worth of presents in TMK's new obsession....
Posted by: CarolineF on December 6, 2004 11:49 AMI love alpaca...I love how it feels...I love how it looks, I love how THEY look....I understand TMK, truly.
my humble suggestion? TMK knit a simple scarf for herself out of this yarn, and Ryan you should just let her have it...buy yourself another. After all, she has drooled all over this one already, aye? She could just knit this one thing....and be done and back to woodworking before the lathe missed her, Right?
Mwahahahahahahaha evil laughter.
Cuzzin' Tom....I got a big ol crush on you! Alas, it's all for naught...
Lisa in Oregon
Holy cow, I gotta get me somma dat alpaca, methinks. If TMK had that reaction, imagine what MINE would be! Cuzzin Tom....hm...I don't know how I fit into your criteria. I'll cogitate on it. I'm using that word a lot today in my comments. Today is brought to you by the letter "cogitate."
Posted by: Norma on December 6, 2004 12:18 PMMany thanks to those who have already responded! Can't get back to you right away bc I have to crank out 1000 fascinating words on Sedona voting trends, due today, but I will. Already cross-eyed from charts and interviews, so it's clearly time for a French press coffee. No, I don't have any Scharffen Berger left. Are you nuts?
Another indication I'm on the right track: I followed a merchandise link from Yarn Harlot, saw the little baby outfit emblazoned with "My Mama Is A Yarn Ho" and laughed for, like, 20 minutes.
Keep those cards and letters coming!
Oh, and Norma? Hello? You're a very funny Blog Mistress? Stop cogitating and write!
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 6, 2004 12:56 PMHas TMK given you the BBE treatment yet? This is either the Big Brown Eyes or the Big Blue Eyes, whichever works. It's what Puss in Boots does in Shrek 2, if you've seen it and if you haven't, you should. It's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.
Cuzzin Tom, I'm so sorry, but this Dear Reader has finally succeeded in giving up knitting. I will get my two-week pin soon. Sure, I have flashbacks to the needles and memories of the soft fiber running through my hands, but I'm truly happier now. My family is more content, and my husband seems more relaxed. I no longer forget to cook meals or do laundry; I don't spend hours on EBay searching for the yarn deal of the century. I go to bed earlier and get up refreshed. Don't you want to know about the horrible struggle of the knitter to get away from the habit? Do you not care how knitting destroys lives and relationships? [the current TMK Alpaca Episode should be a warning...] Don't you understand how the pull of the yarn becomes all-powerful, and your ability to resist is constantly eroded by blogs and groups and guilds? Think about it. Knitting has a huge dark side.
Posted by: Sheila on December 6, 2004 01:47 PMmy first thought on reading of the sounds caused by the sudden alpaca obsession was to remember the humming of the beasts and wonder if it might not have been transmitted by the yarn- it might be interesting to stand in a yarn store, if such was the case, and listen to customers baaing and humming and bleating- wonder what sound acrylic would transmit?
i would love to help c.t. out if i fell into any category he might be interested in, but i didn't see 'lemming' among those he listed-
stay happy-
Posted by: barb in texas on December 6, 2004 01:51 PMThen how, Sheila, do you explain the fact that you will be at Ferals tonight? Hmmmm? Hmmmm?
Barb, your name came up specifically, in fact, during the three hour phone-a-thon, part of which was spent discussing Cuzzin Tom's idea for an article. Based on your comments, in which I believe you said your yarn store is not so "local" and you rarely if ever meet other knitters, you sound like the perfect example of, how did he put it, "Someone who is isolated in his or her knitting and only connects with other knitters via the internet." I bet you have something non-lemming like to contribute, I do, I do.
Posted by: Ryan on December 6, 2004 01:58 PMthis goes to prove i am so isolated that i can't read! will email him of course but until i get around to that- hey, ct, count me in-
you are correct,ryan- i am 65+ miles from even the walmart or chainstore yarn distributors- online shopping gives me access to so many things though that i feel i have an lys right here in my home-
stay happy-
Posted by: barb in texas on December 6, 2004 02:29 PMHow do I explain going to Ferals? Easy. Out of my huge respect for Janine and the joy I get out of seeing you, Ryan (and Kit and Kim and Norma and a few others)! I can attend a knitting group meeting and not knit, just watch :-)
Posted by: Sheila on December 6, 2004 02:51 PMHey CT - what about those of us who are yarn ho's but don't knit? What about crochet, the "lesser art"? Although I refuse to believe it as lesser. You should see the king size bedspread I just finished for my mom. And what about non-knitters who stalk knitting blog mistresses from thousands of miles away? Hmm? Hmm? Yeah. Sounds pretty dull to me too. But I wish you the best on your project! hehe
Blog Mistress, your story of TMK had me in tears, I was laughing so hard. Y'all are just so darn cute.And I'm with Norma on thinking I needs summa dat!
Hope everyone has a great day!!
Posted by: Stalker Angie on December 6, 2004 04:57 PMI'm going to ferals tonight just to hold the baby alpaca some more...mmmmm!
TMK
Posted by: The Mysterious K on December 6, 2004 04:59 PMI stumbled upon that same yarn in the store a week ago and pretty much had the same reaction as TMK although I refrained from rolling on the floor with it until I got home. I ended up mortgaging the house to buy as much as I could haul away and am planning a mobius scarf for myself (so the heavenly stuff will be around my face and neck) and wraps and ponchos with the rest so I can wrap myself all the time in it. If any of my loved ones think they are getting any of it they are dreaming.
TMK is right. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by: Laurie on December 7, 2004 10:10 AM