May 20, 2005
What If?
The High Point of a Vain Girl’s Day: Being asked to be the model for two knitting patterns that will be sold nationally.
The Low Point of a Vain Girl’s Day: Realizing that you are not, in fact, the Cleopatra of the New Millennium but that the items you will be modeling are for larger-sized women and you have actually been asked to be a model because you’re, well, fat.
An Equally Low Point in a Vain Girl’s Day: Realizing the day before the photo shoot that the last haircut your stylist gave you makes you look like a cocker spaniel.
A Vain Girl’s Greatest Fear: Since one of the items you are going to model is a poncho, that you are going to look exactly the way you did the day last summer when you got a poncho stuck on your head:
Having nothing much else to write about, I will resort to answering a meme (a fancy word for electronic chain letter, methinks) that I was “tagged” for by Karen. The deal is you are supposed to pick five of the following choices and answer the question, “What would I do if I were…,” (and then pass the meme on, but I’m not gonna):
a scientist?
a farmer?
a musician?
a doctor?
a painter?
a gardener?
a missionary?
a chef?
an architect?
a linguist?
a psychologist?
a librarian?
an athlete?
a lawyer?
an inn-keeper?
a professor?
a writer?
a llama-rider?
a bonnie pirate?
an astronaut?
a world famous blogger?
a justice on any one court in the world?
married to any current famous political figure?
Hokay, here goes:
If I were a scientist?
Easy-peasy! I would be a marine biologist and study coelacanths; whale sharks; any of those freaky, creepy, glowy, alienesque life forms that live in ocean abysses; the megamouth shark; and giant squids (all of which I have been fascinated with since I was a wee nerdlet).
Apparently I would be a bubbleheaded and scatterbrained marine biologist with a complete inability to focus on any one thing and of no use whatsoever to the scientific community, but still. Besides, it doesn’t matter because apparently now I’m going to make my living as a highly paid supermodel and jet off to Paris.
If I were a farmer?
I would own a miniature farm populated with animals like this and this and this and this and this and this and this. (Trivia for the day: Miniature cows are referred to as mini-moos.)
If I were a gardener?
This could actually come to be since I have a large, flat, very-gardenable yard, but, alas, I suck at tending all things grassy, shrubby and flowery. However, in this fantasy world where I have a green thumb and unlimited amounts of energy (and am a supermodel), it would be all dahlias, all the time. If you want to see me go instantly weak at the knees, get me near a shrub covered in brightly-colored, dinner-plate-size dahlias, like, oh, say this.
If I were a writer?
I’d want to write science fiction short stories. Wrote one once about a society where, when born, everyone is partnered with another child chosen arbitrarily for you by a government entity and from that point forward, for the rest of your lives, you are responsible for each other’s moral behavior. If one person commits a crime, the other one is punished. But, hey, maybe it’s better if I stay away from this twisted and dark side of my creative self.
If I were married to any current famous political figure?
I’d shoot myself.
On the Dulaan front, F.I.R.E. reports that the current number is:
1344 ITEMS!!!
">
656 items to go, and--wince!--only a month or so remaining before you should seriously start thinking about getting items shipped to Arizona for the July 1 deadline. Oil up those knitting needles, girls and guys!
Meredith reports that she is starting to receive shipments from England, Australia and Canada. Very cool!
Ryan, judging by that photo I'm not sure the poncho is the look for you. . .
Posted by: Elizabeth D on May 20, 2005 02:16 PMI'm with you on the BabyDoll Southdowns, the pygmy rabbits and the sweet little pygmy goats. My problem arises with the mini-horses. If people would just HAVE them, it would be fine. But no! They breed them down as tiny and twee as they can get 'em, then they HITCH THEM UP and make these tiny little things drag their "big-boned" BUTTS around in a cart, while other people sit on their, ahem, CUSHIONS, and clap and whistle. Honestly, and this is just my own opinion here, if you want another animal to drag you and your showy little cart around, take a normal-sized HORSE, for Pete's sake. Whew. Thanks for giving me a chance to say that, right out loud!
Posted by: joan on May 20, 2005 02:56 PMMini animals are not the thing for me. I'm too clumsy. I'd squish them.
I'm so happy to have escaped the whole meme/interview thing so far. Hooray for not being famous! hehe
Posted by: Stalker Angie on May 20, 2005 03:21 PMJoan, to be honest, I'm a little confused by the miniature horses myself. A miniature dog is just a smaller version of something that is already kinda small, and it can do all the things, pretty much, that are expected of a big dog. But you miniaturize a horse, and what've you got?
I've also always been confused by the fact that humans stare at Little People, and insult them and treat them badly, and then they turn around and try to miniaturize everything else they can get their hands on. Humans. Go figure.
Elizabeth--yeah, it's an awful photo, isn't it? Keeps me very, very humble.
Be careful, StalkerAngie. It's not too late for me to "meme" you.
Posted by: Ryan on May 20, 2005 03:28 PMYou need to make sure you get a minature mule. We have one that lives next door named Quincy. She is the most adorable thing wrapped up in a kick-your-ass (no pun intended) kind of personality. So I guess the REAL advice is make sure you have a neighbor who gets a minature mule....or at least a stable boy to do the chores and take the brunt of the abuse.
Posted by: Anne on May 20, 2005 04:26 PMHey, you gorgeous thang! Take that modeling job and revel in it! Who cares if it is a "specialty" modeling shoot--someone's gotta be special!
Posted by: Kristen on May 20, 2005 09:47 PMJust got an email from the "afghans for Afghans" people who report these numbers: they received about 2,700 items in response to their last deadline April 27th. To date (in 3 years) they have collected 30,000 handknit or crocheted items that have been sent to Afghanistan.
afghans for Afghans has been in knitters' minds for a long time now--and the Dulaan Project, which is barely an infant in comparison, has achieved great publicity in a very, very short time. I suspect our final total for the July 1st shipment will be around the 2,500 mark. I think this is quite remarkable, and shows the power of the Net and the Blog and the generosity of knitters everywhere.
What we also must realize is: (1) there will always be winter; (2) there will always be a children who need warm clothes; and (3) there will always be places in the world where this is so. So Cuzzin Tom wants to add North Korea to Afghanistan and Mongolia? I say, Bring it on!
Ryan, you would make a fine model. Quit torturing yourself about it. I think it is flattering you were asked--whatever the circumstances. However, please do not include the photo with the poncho in your portfolio for any further modeling jobs. I say this as a friend and in the nicest way possible....
Hugs, Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on May 21, 2005 06:43 AMYou just take that modeling job and do it with panache! You were obviously asked because you are one sweet-good-lookin' chica (sparkly nails notwithstanding)!!!! Quit with the Cocker Spaniel talk.
And on the Dulaan front: I'm closing in on another 10-12 items that will go out probably next week.
Posted by: Norma on May 21, 2005 07:00 AMPosting my second parcel to F.I.R.E tomorrow from Australia. On the modelling picture I didn't see any cocker spaniels just one gorgeous poncho *grin* Congrats on being asked to model
Posted by: shell on May 21, 2005 08:16 PMBeautiful inside and out!
Posted by: marylle on May 22, 2005 04:40 AMHi there
Just to let you know, a little parcel is being posted from New Zealand today with 9 more items to add.
ps the poncho look isn't that bad for covering cocker spaniel hair!
Posted by: genny on May 22, 2005 01:38 PMJust wanted to let you know that the 600-and-some items to go really shouldn't be a problem. I'm sending a box with 14 (almost stopped at 13, but then decided I needed better number-karma) or 15 if I get a quiet day at work this week.
Thanks for the box inventory form, too.
Ryan, I mailed my box to The Dulaan Project on Friday. It contained 1 sweater, 3 hats, and 5 pair of mittens for a total of 9 more items! We CAN do it -- I know we can!
Carol
Posted by: Carol on May 22, 2005 06:20 PMSo when you say a cocker cut, do you mean short on top and long on the sides? We have a cocker,Sparky who needs a cut and is starting to resemble Bob Marley. When your hair grows out,are you going for dreads?
Curious minds want to know:-0
Running to hide in a corner before Ms. Ryan gets nasty and sends me something to answer. We don't like the questions, we swears.
Posted by: Stalker Angie on May 23, 2005 08:56 AMA model?!?!! Woot!
656 will be a walk in the park. I just cast off my fourth item today - hope to crank out a few more mittens before I ship 'em out.
I was so bummed to read that F.I.R.E. needs kids stuff more than they need adult stuff RIGHT AFTER I was halfway through my second adult-sized hat! My bad, not yours, I don't visit you often enough.
Posted by: Margot on May 23, 2005 12:38 PM656 items to go??? EZ PZ!! Got 6 already in a box for you!! Hopefully, I will get a few more things completed. Great job in coordinating/pubilicizing!! All your hard work is really appreciated!
Posted by: Kary on May 27, 2005 04:11 PM