May 25, 2005
The Woodpecker Must Die!
(No posting Friday or Monday, Dear Readers, due to the holiday and an extra vacation day I slapped on for good measure.)
A few weeks ago, it finally became warm enough to open both the back door and front door and air out my house, blowing away the winter dust and must. I opened the doors, settled down to enjoy the wafting of the fresh air and indulge in some focused Dulaan knitting...and the knocking started. And went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Come to find out my yard had become the domain of a male downy woodpecker who had had just a leetle too much Viagra and, apparently, according to the downy woodpecker rules of courtship, the harder and more loudly you can beat your head against a tree trunk, the sexier you are. (Not really all that different from human courtship rituals, is it? Think macho man, empty beer can, forehead.)
Now, those of you who know me know I am nothing if not a bird lover. I have the books, the two pairs of binoculars, and the life list to prove it—but the loud, incessant tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat was just too much, even for me. All I know is that my stitches were getting tighter and tighter and tighter. Something Had To Be Done.
I went out to the dead tree snag where I thought he would be and, sure enough, there he was in all of his black, white and red cuteness, taking full advantage of a small section of bark and the hollow spot underneath it. My first mistake? Trying to use small pebbles to scare him away. My second? Throwing the large handful of pebbles straight up in the air. Before I had time to duck, every single pebble hit me on the head. Then I tried with something that was technically “softer,” a small dead and rotten stick. My head and the now two pieces of stick are are here to tell you that rotten sticks are not softer, “technically” be damned. It did make Romeo move, though. He raced up the tree trunk, peered coldly at me while I massaged my head, and then worked his way slowly and deliberately back down the trunk, tapping and listening, tapping and listening, until he had found an even louder spot than before. Tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat. Urk.
Long story short, I finally found the right stick, convinced myself for one brief moment not to throw like a girl, was able to smack the tree trunk a few feet below him, and off he went.
The Good News: Despite my efforts and the dents in my skull, I am now the proud “mama” to, from what I can tell, two, maybe three, nestling woodpeckers. The Bad News: They have brought with them their own brand of incessant noise, a small and constant twittering like the sound of a loose fan belt on a tiny car like, say, the car circus clowns ride around in. But I lerv them. And secretly I’m glad I didn’t scare Romeo away permanently since I’ve spent many happy moments watching Romeo and Mrs. Romeo come and go, bringing squashed and mangled bugs to the rapidly growing fan belts.
Although I swore on a tall stack of bibles that I would never knit a pixie hat (because, well, just look at this poor child), last weekend one snuck up on me. I was using a pattern I had never used before and thought it had a flat top but nuh-uh. This was what I ended up with:
For another reason why I've avoided knitting pixie hats, hover your mouse over the photo to see what TMK named it.
I rest my case.
On a happier note, I’ve finally found a way to take a photograph of a hat "on" Frankie. And that awkward and painful-looking position she's in? One of her favorite ways to sleep.
Reminder that the Garden Party is a week from Saturday, 6/4, 1-6, at TMK’s house. If you want to join us, please email me at rymorriss@yahoo.com. We now have about 10.5 people signed up, the .5 being the two or three who can only come for an hour but we're glad they're squeezing us in!
"Then I tried with something that was technically “softer,” a small dead and rotten stick. My head and the now two pieces of stick are are here to tell you that rotten sticks are not softer, “technically” be damned."
reminds me of the time a friend of a friend bought a whole houseful of pine wood furniture when they had kids.. because pine is a "soft" wood.
glad to see you are enjoying the little dervishes.
Posted by: anj on May 25, 2005 11:32 AMAlright there missy...now you had to know you'd get an indignant comment when you so brazenly referred to some of us as only .5. Now, I might be small, but I DEFINITLY count as more than 1/2. :)
And I did say I'd probably be there for TWO WHOLE hours. But knowing me once I start knitting and eating (and knitting & eating, and knitting & eating) you'll probably have to push me off your front step as you let Frankie out to do her tiddles.
Enjoy your Memorial Day holiday and here's to hoping this sunshine lasts!
Posted by: Sam on May 25, 2005 12:04 PMYou've got me laughing so hard it hurts. All my co-workers wanna know what's so funny but all I could get out was "woodpecker" or "condom hat" before I went off again. I'm waiting for the lecture on reading porn at work. *tears rolling*
You'll be missed but have a great holiday weekend and enjoy your mini vacation, Blog Mistress.
Hope you have a great day!
Posted by: Stalker Angie on May 25, 2005 12:15 PMOkay, Sam. I'm easy. You can qualify as one whole person. (Loved the "tiddles" by the way!)
Stalker Angie, in rereading the entry, I do see that it might rate high on the PornMeter. After all a Google search based on "Viagra sexier macho condom" would find this entry!
Anj, funny story!! Soft wood, indeed.
Posted by: Ryan on May 25, 2005 12:49 PMI'm convinced my dog's spine is made out of some "soft"er kind of bone or something because of the positions he sleeps in. That or there's a giant crease right in the middle. He's 60 pounds and twists himself around like a corkscrew, then sleeps that way.
Maybe you should try softer pebbles next time. There's that Mohl/Mohr/something test they made us do in high school and all I remember is that diamonds are hard. So don't throw diamonds up in the air, okay?
Posted by: Amie on May 25, 2005 01:42 PMAm I the only one who's getting a wee bit cranky at the prospect of no blog entry till NEXT WEDNESDAY--and this on the heels of missing I-don't-know-how-many blog entries in the last two weeks due to Ryan's training seminar (so she SAID) and computer glitches. Now that you've got us totally dependent on reading every MONDAY, WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY, we have come to learn that writing the blog is just another job for you, Ryan. We need you, we must have regular entries. Some of us thrive on regular schedules. MONDAYS, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. Our weeks are not complete without our "Mossy Cottage fixes." I'm crying into my knitting, honest, truly. I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms already, DTS, shaking, sweats--take pity on us, please. Your faithful reader, Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on May 25, 2005 03:12 PMWow....Perhaps we should give poor MaryB the title of stalker as well, huh?
Mary it will be ok, I promise. Just do what I do. Go back and read the archives on those days. It's a hoot! Remember the dye garden days? And TMK's greenhouse? Not to mention Baby Barclay the wounded crow and the Llama song (llama, llama, duck). There's all kinds of fun Mossy Cottage memories out there for perusing. So no more dispair. :)
Posted by: Stalker Angie on May 25, 2005 03:33 PMOh, dear, dear MaryB, I'm afraid it's only going to get worse. What I DIDN'T tell you is that next week I will only be posting on Wednesday. So sorry, punkin', but I'm taking next Friday off as well to get ready for the Garden Party. Suffice it to say, we are renting a little tent/awning/thingy and I suspect it's going to take 24 hours for me to set it up. Or, worst case scenario, when you arrive and go out to the backyard, you will discover in the center of the yard a mangled ball of piping, awning material, and twisted limbs and a muffled voice from inside yelling, "Help!"
And now the question is, do I even TELL you about the week-long trip we're taking to Arizona in September?
StalkerAngie, truly, you are the best stalker ever. You are quoting back to us things that I wrote about 2 years ago! I am VERY impressed. And a little scared.
Posted by: Ryan on May 25, 2005 04:01 PMMaryB: If it makes you feel any better, I'm not happy about the lack of blog next week either. One posting in a week and a half. Humph! I'll just have to do something stupid (Darwin-award worthy) this weekend so Ryan feels compelled to share with everyone next week. ;-)
(Actually, most of the problems stems from the fact that I'm a Mac girl, which makes Ryan a Mac girl on weekends and holidays, and the Movable Type server doesn't like Macs.)
TMK
Posted by: The Mysterious K on May 25, 2005 04:04 PMWell, thanks Ryan and TMK for the explanation and heads up on the next missed installment of the blog...at least you didn't tell me to get a life, which it appears I have none of....too much blog reading has made me a little ditzy and, as I said, cranky when I don't get it. But, surely there's room in the house(s) for an IBM computer alongside the Macs...although it WOULD be silly, I guess, to get a new computer just for the blog....I don't like it, but I understand it. And yes, please do what you can to do something funny for our entertainment next week, TMK! Have fun putting up the tent--you know if you get one installed it will surely NOT rain! Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on May 25, 2005 04:46 PMWhen I was about 8 my parents built a new house. In the woods. And covered the back of it with cedar. Ahem. Anyway, one night my dad got so crazy over the tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, tat, etc. that he got his starting pistol (he officiated swim meets on the weekends) and fired it out the window. The neighbors were not amused (it was midnight), but the woodpeckers stayed far, far away from the house after that. Take from this what you will. ;)
Have a great weekend! (The condom hat killed me!)
Posted by: Kristen on May 25, 2005 06:18 PMWell, you knew you'd hear from me! That rapping isn't so much a come-on as a warning to other 'peckers to stay away. Reading this, I had a Melancholick vision of you as Edgar Allan Poe. And laughed myself sick at your noggin-bopping girly-girl encounter with gravity. Especially since I'm reading a book in which Sir Isaac Newton figures prominently!
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on May 25, 2005 06:55 PMAnother cute picture of Frankie. With a bear (non-articulated joints). AND knitting. How clever you are *grin*. Is the next picture Frankie, the bear and a hand-dyed knitted item?
Have fun on your weekend away!
Posted by: Mira on May 26, 2005 04:50 AMLuckily all our woodpeckers are farther out in the woods, so they're not too obnoxious with the whole knocking thing. The spring peepers are frickin' deafening, but the birds aren't bad. (We've got a very large owl who lurks in our woods and I think he keeps everyone else avian on their best behavior.)
Today on our walk one of my dogs decided to bark at the stream. Because it was so full of water that it was making noise. There's something very funny about watching a dog, fully a-bristle, barking and growling at *water* and completely unable to figure out that it wasn't something she could warn off or fight.
Posted by: Melanie on May 26, 2005 10:00 AMNot only do I love the picture of the pixie-hatted child, it's hilarious that there's a "click to enlarge" link so one can get a better look! LOL!
Posted by: Cindy L. on May 26, 2005 10:19 AMRyan,
Here's another recipe for you--for a Red Headed Woodpecker.
http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink7923.html
While it's not (blessedly) made from woodpecker, it should make any obsessive nature noises go down a whole lot easier.
Ryan, I just had to share....I'm finally inspired to start a blog. And once I made it all up nice and purty I realized I don't know anyone to share it with. And then I realized I could let you into the life of the crazy lady who's stalking you and will show up at your house to knit and eat. Here I am!!
http://theskinnyknitter.blogspot.com/
Posted by: sam on May 27, 2005 10:48 AM