July 11, 2005
Why We Never Had Children...
Our reluctantly assumed roles as two middle-aged, childless spinsters came back to bite us yet again this weekend when The Mysterious K’s niece came to visit for three days while her parents enjoyed a second honeymoon in Las Vegas. Oh, what a couple of fussy old biddies, complete with sun bonnets and small glasses of sipping sherry, we turned into, as we desperately tried to figure out what one does with an 11-year-old girl. To us, it's akin to baby-sitting a supremely rare and valuable tropical creature with exotic dietary habits.
In preparation for Niece’s arrival, TMK and I spent many a night huddled together over the kitchen table, tossing out ideas, trotting out what we knew about child development (not much, it turns out), trotting out what we knew about things to do around Seattle (in comparison, quite a bit), and ultimately producing our carefully crafted and detailed manifesto, “The Care and Feeding of Preadolescent Girls,” which considers such questions as: How do they think? What do they eat? How do they behave? What kind of entertainment do they require? How quickly do they get bored? What's a good bed-time? What does one do if the PG talks back or displays other unsavory behavior? What movies are too adult for her age? What does one do if she becomes homesick? If she gets out of hand, can we just have her hitchhike home? And the most important question, How many times can we get her to walk the dog before it is considered uncompensated child labor?
Like the lily-livered coward that I am, I solved my half of the problem by scarpering before Niece ever arrived to, in my defense, get many of the things done around my house that needed doing. However, TMK and I have kept tabs with each other over the days, carefully marking off from the Manifesto completed event after completed event and completed task after completed task. Everything seems to be going well. Or, at least, niece hasn’t yet climbed up on the roof of the house, pelted TMK with coconuts, and refused to come down.
(Update: TMK just called to report that she has discovered Niece spinning aimlessly around on one of the office chairs. After much analysis and much consulting of the Manifesto, we have determined that Aimless Spinning is Symptom #4 of Problem #6, Preadolescent Boredom. After further analysis, we have decided to activate Countermeasure #12, The Liberal Application of Lunch Foods.)
I have not been getting much knitting done lately, or, more accurately, the knitting I have been doing has been too dull to blog about (heck, even I don't want to read about the knitting of the second of two navy blue socks). However, I remembered I had on my camera photos of someone else’s astonishingly beautiful work that I wanted to share with you. This sleeve was knit by Norma, one of the Feralites, from yarn that she dyed herself. Is it not gawjus? I mean, who woulda thought that magenta, gold, mint green and turquoise would go together, but somehow Norma makes this work.
Speaking of which, Feralites tonight! Andrea, Rebecca, Patti: Will any of you be there? If so, I’ll bring your Stitch & Pitch tickets.
Actually, aimless spinning is considered entertainment to 11yo PGs. I know this first hand. :) Be aware, she may in fact prefer aimless spinning to many other seemingly more entertaining activities.
This falls in the "give them a toy and they play with the box" category of child rearing.
:) L
Posted by: Lisa in Oregon on July 11, 2005 01:45 PMLisa, your words of wisdom will definitely be added to the Manifesto. Thank you. We are indeed learning that child boredom bothers adults more than it bothers the child.
Posted by: Ryan on July 11, 2005 01:46 PMIf she were six, I would say that the spinning is anything but aimless...
You could put a spindle in her hand and see what happens, you know. :-)
Posted by: Lee Ann on July 11, 2005 01:48 PMAnd, there is no limit to the number of times you can have an 11 year old walk a dog... and I agree with Lisa - spinning might be entertainment.
Posted by: melissa on July 11, 2005 01:49 PMFor a moment there, I was SOOOO excited for you - a preadolescent visitor who SPINS! How wonderful - lots and lots of free time to make you yarn. Oh. Um. Oops.
Not THAT type of spinning. Pooh.
Posted by: Anne on July 11, 2005 03:04 PMAnne, I just figured out the type of spinning everyone's been talking about. Duh! I mean I sat here and watched spin around and around and around and around out of the corner of my eye while I was trying to work...and I still thought you guys were talking about spinning wheels! ;-) TMK
Posted by: The Mysterious K on July 11, 2005 03:40 PM11 year olds are great! They're old enough to have great conversations with, and young enough that they have hopefully not reached the angsty talk-back stage. Good luck, and have lots of fun. :-)
Posted by: Rebekkah on July 11, 2005 04:21 PMDamn, and I missed it.
I would have enjoyed hearing the production of the Manifesto, O Hilarious Ones.
We like to fall back on sticking them in cars and forcing them to observe Historical Sites. Then, by god, they're glad to get home and back to the tv! No whining about having nothing to do after that! Ha!
Posted by: Anne on July 11, 2005 04:21 PMHmm.. if she's anything like my 12yo, install "The Sims" on your computer, and turn on the TV. The problem then is getting her to move away!
Posted by: Donna on July 11, 2005 05:29 PMRyan, I have four letters for you: M-A-L-L.
and:
Pedicure, microwave s'mores, nail polish. (you got plenty of that!)
Movies...that are just slightly risque, something that her mom wouldn't *quite* let her see, but that she wouldn't OVERLY object to her watching....I don't know what those might be, to be honest, but I can check with Abigail in the morrow for ya. If I think of other things, I'll let ya know.
You're bringing back childhood memories here... When my sister and her best friend were about 11 (which means I would have been about 15), they would beg me to whip them around in my father's office chair as fast as I possibly could. We all thought it was absolutely hilarious when the individual in the chair tried to get out of it after the "spin session." In other words, don't worry, she'll be fine. An absolutely loveable dog, a chair to spin in and two cool aunts, what more could an 11 year old girl want?
Posted by: Kristen on July 11, 2005 09:24 PMOh...Norma has nailed it...I'm trying to think of movies and all that comes to mind is "16 candles". Pretty bland really, but my 11 yo thought it was great. Also the "Princess Diaries" was big...
Spose she'll be gone by the time we come up with all sorts of stuff for her, aye?
Posted by: Lisa in Oregon on July 12, 2005 08:28 AMAll of these suggestions--wonderful. Thank you, Dear Readers. But, yes, Niece will be gone today, picked up by Grandmother and hauled back to Eastern Washington. I *think* TMK survived.
Posted by: Ryan on July 12, 2005 09:38 AM