July 20, 2005
NORma!!!!
A story for Norma:
Those of you who are faithful readers of Norma’s blog know that she is proud of her ability to swear like a drunken longshoreman, and, further, you know that her favorite phrase in Shoremanese is “For f**k’s sake!”
Those of you who are faithful readers of my blog know that The Mysterious K likes to play video games.
Combine a complicated and frustrating part of a video game with the fact that TMK is a faithful reader of Norma’s blog and you get TMK bellowing “For f**k’s sake!” at the TV screen.
Enter me. Now, mouth-wise, I’m not exactly Da Voigin Mary. I’ve been known to let loose with Shoremanese on many occasions.* However, the difference is that, for TMK, Shoremanese is a regular part of her vocabulary, to be trotted out at the least provocation and, sometimes, even without provocation. For her, it's not necessarily a sign of anger but of enthusiasm, excitement and extreme emotion. If you hear Shoremanese coming out of my mouth, however, you'd better cover the family jewels and either apologize or run. That, and I can’t wrap my head around the idea of swearing a blue streak when theoretically you’re doing something fun. I just Don’t Get It.
TMK is acutely aware that loud and unjustified swearing makes her Princess (yes, me; don’t laugh) uncomfortable, so the last time she played a video game (I was knitting and back-seat driving, as I always do) and was confronted with one of the aforementioned complicated and frustrating parts, instead of yelling “For f**k’s sake,” she smirked mischievously…and let out a loud, guttural and resounding “Norma!!,” with a distinct emphasis on the “Nor.”
It has now become A Thing. Frog something for the fifth time? Yell “NORma!” Drop something heavy on your toe? Yell “NORma!!” Drop the last and most delectable brownie on the dirty kitchen floor? Yell “NORma!!” See that the neighbors are setting up for the twelfth “garage sale” of the summer which they insist is a “garage sale” but isn’t really a “garage sale” but an endless flea market where people actually drop off things for them to sell consignment-wise and which causes lots of traffic and noise? Yell “NORma!!”
Try it. It’s very satisfying.
*In fact, to this day I remember the very first time I ever said the Eff Word. I was on a high school ski trip and the group was getting ready to go up the mountain on the t-bar, which requires you to partner up. As is always the case in high school, no one wanted to partner up with The Class Dweeb. Suffering from a certain dweebishness myself and having a lifelong soft spot in my heart for underdogs, I asked her if she wanted to go up the hill with me. Sure enough, halfway up the mountain, her right leg drifted way over the invisible yet supposedly inviolable mid-line and her ski boot immediately locked in mine, which meant we were inescapably destined for a nasty fall somewhere between that point and the top of the mountain. And somewhere between the locking of the boots and what did prove to be a nasty fall, complete with snow stuffed up my nose, in my ears, in my hat, inside my jacket, one ski rapidly self-locomoting down the mountain, and the appearance of some interesting bruises as the day progressed, I said the Eff Word for the very first time. Loudly and viciously, with feeling. It felt great.
Knitting-wise, I’m still plowing along on the first of Cuzzin Tom’s socks, which, because rumor has it he has size 12/13 feet, is turning out obscenely long. In fact, for a picture of the Ferals being bowled over by the length of the sock, go to Karen’s blog. (Ignore my hair. It was hot. I had used haircombs to pin up the sides and put the rest in a ponytail but apparently, unbeknownst to me, half of said hair had escaped, making me look very much like a chicken. How embarrassing to find out 24 hours after the fact.)
And just when you thought I wasn’t going to inflict some stupid holiday on you, Happy Ugly Truck Day, Happy National Nap Day, and Happy National Tapioca Pudding Day.
(Afternoon Update: An important note for local knitters. During her visit to Seattle, Stephanie will now be appearing at two places, Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park and Weaving Works. Per her itinerary: Third Place Books, 3:00pm; Weaving Works, 6-7:30pm. I am planning on attending the 3pm get-together. Heck, I'm even taking the afternoon off from work to do it!
P.S. You will be amused to know that when I emailed Stephanie to tell her that there is more than one Third Place Books and her Web site doesn't indicate at which one she will be appearing, she emailed me back and apologized for having "NORma-ed up." What a hoot!)
Posted by Ryan at July 20, 2005 09:55 AMAgain, as I have said in the past...we are much alike Mizz Ryan. If I'm swearing....you'd better be running. My Ms J, however....could outswear a longshoreman. Of course she is totally capable of polite conversation...but loves to tell stories and make people laugh and this invariably includes great amounts of the "eff word" in various forms. I think she also gets an extra bright twinkle in her eye when she embellishes her stories enough to shock me a little....
Posted by: Lisa in Oregon on July 20, 2005 10:03 AMhmmm i can work with this...we can eat tapioca pudding for desert while sitting in my UNAIRCONDITIONED bronco in the southern heat.
you don't look like a chicken.
I am waiting with an evil gleem in my eye for Norma's comment on this post. *snerk*
And Tanya is right. You don't look like a chicken. But that sock is obscene. I am busting at the seams to make very unladylike comments about CT's foot size. I shall resist. After all, hubby is a size 16/17. No socks for him, ever.
Have a great day!
Posted by: Stalker Angie on July 20, 2005 10:33 AMThat is HILarious! I can just see it now... knitsters all over the ring screaming "NORma!" at inopportune moments. :) LOL
Posted by: Sharlene on July 20, 2005 10:45 AMOh man, I'm using it. I can't swear like I would want to at work (Catholic hospital and all), but "NORma!" People would just think I was being my usual odd self.
Is it really National Nap Day?? I'm going to celebrate that one. Tapioca, not so much.
*snerk* I could use a new inventive swear word for times when language is inappropriate.
I remember being such a geek that I called people cretin or called the chubby ones ample (granted, I really only called my brother ample... now he is much skinnier than I am). Can we use Harlot in the same way?
Posted by: Seanna Lea on July 20, 2005 11:45 AMROFL. ROFL. ROFLMAO. *wheeze* *hiss* *piddle*
I can't stand it. (in a good way) I'm now an unofficial swear word! Not only a spectator sport, but a swear word. I've finally MADE IT TO THE BIG TIME. Won't my aunt and my mother be proud?
(I heard from my sister that after that article was in the local paper about us when Stephanie came for her book-signing, that my aunt, the ultimate busy-body and nosy-Nellie, and more internet-savvy than my mother by far, of course logged in. Her comment to my mother was, "her language is awful." Erm, she's apparently forgotten about the longshoremanese SHE used when she was SCREAMING at her kids all our growing-up lives. She was positively SCARY (my aunt, I mean, not my mom). But that apparently explains why my mom never told me how PROUD she was of me for the article and picture in the paper. Never even mentioned it! But I'll tell you, if there'd been a fire or an accident down the block, she'd be talking about THAT, dontcha know!)
Ohhhhhh, this is toooooo funny. I'm going to be giggling about it all afternoon! Heeeeee!
Posted by: Norma on July 20, 2005 12:01 PMNORma!! I love it. Congratulations Norma, on making the big time!
Posted by: Judy on July 20, 2005 12:33 PMGods... so funny.
But the geek in me has to ask... what game is TMK playing these days?
Posted by: melissa on July 20, 2005 01:02 PMLOL! My monk has size 13 feet too!
Posted by: Jenn on July 20, 2005 01:15 PMThe Geek in Me bows to the Geek in You, Melissa, and reports that TMK is currently playing Jak III. In fact, the last time we played it, she got stuck in a certain place and was yelling "NORma!" so many times that she finally gave up and said she would have to play that section when my party-pooper self wasn't around so she could swear and cuss to her heart's content because that's what she was going to need to get her through. V. funny.
Oh, and, hi there, Norma!! Was this how, when you were young and eager and bright-eyed, you thought you were going to influence the world? Nah, didn't think so.
Posted by: Ryan on July 20, 2005 01:17 PMWell, NORma! Since I've been inadvertently teaching my children Shoremanese, I may just try that. Perhaps we could put a few choice phrases together. Like, for instance, Well, I'll be NORma'ed! Live free or DIIIIIIIEEEEEE! Like that. It sure beats my kid dropping his paintbrush at preschool and shouting "DAMNIT!" The whole "who's kid is THIS???" act is not working.
Posted by: mamacate on July 20, 2005 01:35 PMI don't swear that much (since I work with kids and it's too tough for my wee brain to keep track of when I can and can't swear) but right now I wish I did. I would love to see the look on someone's face after I tell them to go NORma themself!
Posted by: marylee on July 20, 2005 02:05 PMToo funny. I've evidently been cursed with the outward appearance of a librarian. For some reason, people are shocked when what we call "steelworker" language comes out of my mouth. (Dad was a stripper for 25 years -- that's the guy who takes the reels of wire off the furnace, not a Chippendales dancer.)
I do usually save the f-bombs for moments of imminent bloodshed; but from the reactions I get, you'd think a nun had started quoting rap songs. Granted, it was worse before I hit thirty, but I'm far from a delicate flower of girlhood. I once said something about having a problem customer right where we wanted them, with illustrative open-palmed gesture, and my boss almost choked on his tongue.
Posted by: Beth on July 20, 2005 03:47 PM*sigh* When will it ever end? These feet grew, Labrador puppy-like, before my body did, scarring my tender psyche with endless family comments like, "No, it's great! You'll save money! Just wax 'em up and there's no need for ski rentals." Or informing me after a phone call that it was the Rocky Mountain park rangers wanting to speak with me about the coincidence of my recent hiking trip and a sudden spike in reported Sasquatch sightings. They're size 12, BTW, perfectly suited to my 6' frame. And, dear cuz, I realize there's comedic value in the length, but the dern things stretch! They're going in the back of the drawer...
Now, on swearing. I grew up in New Jersey, where such language is socially acceptable punctuation. It's the bane of my monastic life. Saying "Norman-A" or suggesting someone's a "dumb motherNorma" trips off my tongue, along with a thousand variants. My inner editor is never allowed to sleep. My solution now is to learn them all in Mongolian to at least give me 24 hours to run for the border while someone looks up what I said on the internet.
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on July 20, 2005 07:27 PMNow see, my partner reacts to video games a little differently. Ever time he did something to make Lara Croft grunt with pain, he would apologize. "Ugh!" "Sorry!" Wicked funny, especially since we both normally (norma-ly?) curse like sailors.
Posted by: jpt on July 21, 2005 09:46 AMHey, Ryan, I've been lurking, but enjoying the blog and the Adventures with Preadolescent Females. On the Harlot in town, have you talked to the Weaving Works? Being in QA I was planning to go there but am worried about it being a mob scene.Kim
PS I'm always working on the language of my kids (eg "that sucks!") and always getting, "Well, where do you think we learned it?" It's discouraging because so true.
I normally reserve my cussing for video games too, so I TOTALLY understand TMK's deal.
Especially when I play xBox..X X XA Y Y Ltrigger...
I'd rather play Tetris on my old Gameboy. :)
Happy Friday!
Posted by: Libby on July 22, 2005 09:19 AMAbout 9 years ago, I once had a kindergarten student of mine to f*#k off and after that if I said TIMOTHY, it mean f*3k off and if I said TIM, it just meant f*#k. I love it because I can swear like a longshoreman anywhere now. Welcome to the world of stealth swearing.
Posted by: donna on July 22, 2005 07:47 PM