December 05, 2005

A Four-Letter Word That Begins With F

TMK: Does things once. If they’re not perfect, she makes one attempt to wrassle 'em into a state of semi-perfection. If that doesn't work, she deals.

Ryan: Does things over and over and over (and over) again until they’re perfect. Has developed a few peculiar twitches as a result of being this way.

Which'all explains why TMK came completely unglued this weekend watching me knit one hat five times. One hat. Five times.

The issues were this:

Size (adult small, meaning small in circumference yet, as always, deep, in order to reach the adult ears which are always surprisingly far away from the top of the skull)

Pattern (feh; wherever the wind blew me)

Yarn yardage (I had 87 yards of a bulky yarn—and no bloody idea how much fabric that translates into. ‘Sides, I complicated things by being determined to use as much of the yarn as possible because, really, what the hell can you make with, say, 6.4 yards of leftover bulky yarn?)

So I tried:

Version 1: Rolled brim with 66 stitches on size 11 needles. Too big. Ran out of yarn.

Frog.

Version 2: Rolled brim with 60 stitches on size 11 needles. Too big. Ran out of yarn.

Frog.

Version 3: Rolled brim with 54 stitches on size 11 needles. Getting there size-wise but...ran out yarn. Eh? What gives?

Frog.

Enter Ryan’s Epiphany of Sunday, December 4, 2005: Rolled-brim hats are a frickin'-frackin’ waste of frickin’-frackin’ yarn! A good 50% of the yarn was being slurped up by a decorative element that is cute, granted, but completely useless. It doesn’t help the hat stay on, and it certainly doesn’t warm one’s ears. In fact, if you roll the brim down to cover your years—which negates the point of the rolled brim in the first place, yo’—it immediately curls up again…and keeps rolling up as the day progresses until you look as if you have a diaphragm perched on your head.

Time for a rethink.

Version 4: Ribbed brim (single layer) with 54 stitches on size 11 needles for the brim, and, what the hell, size 13s for the crown: Size now tickety-boo but, what’s this?! I had too much yarn left over, like, half the frickin’-frackin’ skein!. Oy.

Frog.

Version 5: Ribbed brim knit deep enough to fold up with 54 stitches on size 11 needles for the brim, and, what the hell, size 13s for the crown: Size tickety-boo, and it seemed as if I had reach the Holy Grail of Just Enough Yarn For Just Enough Hat—until I held up the completely finished hat and realized it was deep enough for the recipient to crawl inside of and live quite comfortably. It was larger than a New York City studio apartment, at any rate.

Frog. (Actually, a semi-frog, just down to the beginning
of the decreases. Would that be a "tadpole?")

Version 6 tonight, with the Ferals or at home. In either event, far, far away from TMK’s aghast stares.

(P.S. Nobody believe a word Elaine says about me.)

Posted by Ryan at December 5, 2005 01:46 PM
Comments

I am a long-time lurker, but just had to make a quick comment on your hat dilemma -- Since I hate to end up with left over yarn, I start at the top. I do a stitch i-cord for a couple of inches and then start increasing, either with yo's or m1s all the way around to make six stitches on dpns and then k a row and then continue one increase on every dpn every other row until the crown looks wide enough and then knit straight.
Hope that makes sense. You do such good work!

Trudy

Posted by: Trudy on December 5, 2005 01:59 PM

I shall now spend the rest of my day giggling at the idea of wearing a diaphragm on my head. When they call the men in white coats, I will refuse to explain why I am giggling like an idiot to myself. Thank you for the vacation, Blog Mistress. *snerk*

Posted by: Stalker Angie on December 5, 2005 02:04 PM

Hi, Trudy, and welcome. Maybe you've given me an excuse to make a 7th version!! ;-)

Posted by: Ryan on December 5, 2005 02:04 PM

Tickety-Boo! That is my new most favoritest word.

My eyes did not deceive me and my lips do not lie, I saw Ryan on her knees (the appropriate position)in front of the spinning books at the LYS. She touched em, saw it myself.

Posted by: Elaine on December 5, 2005 02:09 PM

I just thought I'd mention this:
http://www.fibrefestinternational.com/

In BC, just over the border, at the end of March. It looks kind of cool, and I could use me some more Smarties. Er, I mean, another trip to Canada. :D

Posted by: perclexed on December 5, 2005 03:41 PM

Hi there, Trudy,

Ryan's bratty, knon-knitting cuzzin here. Just wondering, what language was your comment typed in? Utterly incomprehensible to me. To wit:

Cuzzin Ryan sez: "which negates the point of the rolled brim in the first place, yo’" which I chalk up to her watching re-runs on the UPN again. But then *you* say: "...and then start increasing, either with yo's or m1s all the way around..." I mean, first of all, "Hah!?" But second of all, can someone 'splain the "yo's"?

Adorable, hilarious kiddie drawings over at DODR. Ya'll come visit.

Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 5, 2005 05:11 PM

Top-down hats are just awkward for me. I feel the same about toe-up socks. Others love 'em, I feel they're ......awkward.

Not looking at the spinning books again, hm, Ryan?

Posted by: Norma on December 5, 2005 09:02 PM

Poor dear... all that f***ing.
There's a threesided had I like... It's boxy and even if one could crawl into it, it stands up straight, so it looks OK. (found it under easy kids hats at knitting.about.com)

Bless you for the Honey Lane Farm Link... I think that looks like a perfect vacation spot... with DH OR DD.

Posted by: PainterWoman on December 5, 2005 11:44 PM

Wow, Ryan. I can relate. My dear, sweet, patient husband is probably rolling his eyes right now at the thought that I have frogged his impending sweater thrice. This is a 52" chest stockinette sweater, mind.
I just couldn't get the right drape.
Know what I mean?

While you're not looking at spinning books, you might want to take a gander at the Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook. It the one that started me not spinning and dyeing.

Posted by: Candace on December 6, 2005 05:21 AM

Hafta say I'm more along the lines of TMK's way of thinking than yours, Ryan. Especially with the woodworking thing I read over at Elaine's (with all the stuff she said about you that we're not supposed to believe)

So, TMK, are you already experienced in woodworking, or is this new for you? I'm in the very, very beginning stages right now, but am getting a wood lathe for Christmas (which we get to pick up on Saturday so I can play with it. Hee). I'm SO EXCITED. (people who know me, on the other hand, are a bit worried about the Playing with Sharp Implements factor)

I'd love to hear about what you're doing, or planning, or thinking about doing or planning.

Posted by: Rachel H on December 6, 2005 05:57 AM

Cuz, there's yo, as in, "yo dawg", and there's yo, as in Yarn Over.
Ryan, I'm wondering why, when you discovered that you could make a single rib brim hat and have half a skein left over, you didn't just make another hat?

Posted by: Carrie on December 6, 2005 08:12 AM

I was at a knitting workshop once, and a participant stood in front of the room discussing "yo overs" again and again. Now I cannot see "yo" in any instructions without laughing.

You have to watch out for those top down hats--that's how I ended up with the Felted Gecko Tea Cozy.

You've *got* to learn to spin--what else will you do with the fiber from those cute little goats and alpacas you are dreaming of?

And, Candace, did you really mean to say that Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook started you "NOT spinning and dyeing"? I LOVE this book--it got me started for sure!

Posted by: Janine on December 6, 2005 08:56 AM

Thanks, ladies! Clear as silt in the delta. What in the ever-lovin', blue-eyed world is a "yarn over"?

And cuz? Carrie's got a point about the making of two hats.

Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on December 6, 2005 09:02 AM

Rachel H: On the woodworking front, I'd consider myself an experienced beginner. I still have all my digits, so I'm doing something right. I have about a two-thirds furnished shop and am working on getting a bandsaw and a second router.

I've made a few small pieces of furniture as well as a built-in bay window windowseat/storage area at a friend's house. I do have to go in the house and present all ten fingers (still attached) to Ryan when I'm finished using power tools for the day. ;-)

The project I'm planning to build next involves my first drawer project.

Do you get any woodworking magazines? I like Woodsmith. I just started a subscription to American Woodworker, but I haven't received the first issue yet.

My biggest problem in woodworking is that I'm afraid of the tablesaw. I use it, but it makes me break into a cold sweat. A friend of mine is a woodworker who specializes in yacht interiors and he has generously offered to give me some supervised assistance on using the tablesaw so that I can get a little more comfortable using it.

TMK

Posted by: The Mysterious K on December 6, 2005 09:21 AM

I'm thinking with TMK's woodworking experience, she could easily fashion you a beautiful spindle out of walnut wood.

Posted by: Annie on December 6, 2005 12:33 PM

TMK: A shop. *envious sigh* I dream of the day I can have a proper shop. I'm pretty sure my lathe is just going to be set up in a corner of my Dad's basement he doesn't mind my spraying wood chips and dust all over.

My Dad, aka my chief woodworking enabler, and I rebuilt my front porch steps and railing last summer, and are pretty much of the opinion that if we want to try a new project, well heck, why not. Dad made rocking horses for my son and niece for their respective 3rd birthdays. Never did it before, just liked the plan and wanted to try. And he did a great job.

I haven't really looked at the magazines yet, so I'll check those out. Thanks!

Posted by: Rachel H on December 6, 2005 01:50 PM

I definitely vote for TMK to start a spindle or wheel project... Sorry, TMK!
Janine, I was being a dork. I definitely think that the Twisted Sisters book will get anyone hooked! I took one look and roving was flying everywhere.

Posted by: Candace on December 7, 2005 05:24 AM

OK, Cuzzin Tom, I take pity on your apparently sincere pleas for information. A yarn over is a way of increasing the number of stitches in a row by bringing the yarn over a needle and back into the "about the knit" position, thereby leaving a loop of yarn over the needle ready to be knit into in the next row. This maneuver leaves a hole and forms the basis of most lace knitting. YO is the abbreviation for Yarn Over. It is never pronounced "Yo" as in "Yo, baby, I like your mama's lace."
Ryan, "feh" only has three letters. I only point this out in a friendly kind of way because, I mean, your post title seems to imply that you think it has four letters. Wouldn't want you to be embarrassed.

Posted by: Janine on December 7, 2005 07:35 AM

Janine, I was rolling in the aisles (well, no, I'm still at my computer chair, but IT'S AN EXPRESSION OKAY?!)at your Yo Overs story. That's one for my malaprop post. I can just picture it. Like the lady at my LYS who was going on and on about WERSTERD (sort of like a combination of worsted and mustard, I guess) and I wanted to slap her after a while.

Posted by: Norma on December 7, 2005 11:21 AM
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