April 26, 2006
Dallying with Dahlias
After the great display of womanly machismo on Saturday, TMK spent Sunday cavorting with The Other Woman so I spent the day focused on my other passion besides knitting—dahlias.
Now, Dear Readers, think of the blackest black you can: ebony, ink, midnight, the black of black holes, the black that Rabbitch sees when she puts underpants on her head and turns out the light. That is the color of my thumb. Scrape and poke and peer as you might, scan it with an electron microscope, freeze it with liquid nitrogen and smash it to bits with a hammer (or, um, maybe not…), you won’t find a hint, a glimmer of green. And joyful events like planting one *&!@#$ tulip bulb and throwing my back out for the entire fall don’t help my gardening ‘tude any. Ultimately, I guess I’m. Just. Not. That. Interested. Until, that is, it comes to dahlias.
Just as I remember the exact moment when my obsession with knitting started (November 2001, about 2 seconds after I turned my first sock heel. Remember that feeling, Dear Knitters?), I remember the exact moment when my obsession with dahlias started.
Blissfully unaware that my life was about to change, one average Saturday I hied my average self to our average local mall to indulge in some average shopping. Unbeknownst to me, the Puget Sound Dahlia Association was holding its annual dahlia show there—which meant that the entire long and wide main drag of the mall plus all of the smaller side corridors were ablaze with amazing arrangements of amazing flowers in amazing sizes in amazing colors in amazing variations. I stopped dead, mouth agape, shopping forgotten.
Granted, in an ideal world, I would’ve been overcome with something a little more useful like the desire to become a neurosurgeon, or discover the cure for cancer, or invest heavily in real estate, or start my own software company, or join the Peace Corps and save the world, or become like The Cuzz and dedicate my life to discovering the true meaning of compassion. But, no. For me, it was the banality of brightly colored flowers. (And sticks and string, but that didn’t come until later.)
You may not realize that, under ideal growing conditions, certain varieties of dahlias can grow up to 12” in width or more. A flower one foot wide, people; in knit-speak, the super bulky of the flower world. Here, look at the picture at the top of this page. As I am the #1 Fan of Extremes (Biggest, Smallest, Fastest, Shortest, Deepest, Fattest, Oddest…), that fact alone made me fall madly in love with the dahlias. And then there are the colors, from the purest of whites, to sunshiny yellows, to intense and unique apricots, to giddy pinks, to blush lavendars, to rich plums, to deepest, darkest wine reds, to spots, to shaded colors, to stripes, to every variation and variegation in between (er, but no blue. Or black, for the more morbid-minded among you). I mean, look at this wacky l’il fella. I’ve grown some of these; they really look like that!
But what I like the most about dahlias is their simplicity. They consist of (1) stems; (2) leaves (3) flowers. No heady, fancy, bordello-reminiscent scents; no alienesque growth habits; no thorns; no winding, spreading, unmanageable tendrils; no berries; no overly large and faintly pornographic pistils and stamens. Just stems, leaves, flowers, beauty. Period.
That being said, despite what the dahlia farmers and vendors would like you to think, dahlias can be a real pain in the arse to grow. They require lots of watering; a Sir Galahad-like vigilance against snails* and slugs; hand-weeding; staking and tying up; and, in the fall, the tubers have to be dug up; washed; trimmed; divested of any rotten bits; cut apart into more manageable pieces; dried for a day; and then packed and stored in just the right way, in individual bags, in a storage medium that is not too wet and not too dry, and that will stay not too wet and not too dry, and in a place that is not too hot and not too cold. Which is why I’m doing the happy dance for having lost only one tuber this winter.
In return, however, dahlias are the gift that keeps on giving. While some tubers—especially new hybrids—can rip gaping, ragged holes in your gardening budget (yes, that’s the price for one), during the growth season, underground, that one tuber is busy doubling, tripling, quadrupling itself so that by the next year you will have more tubers of that type of dahlia than you know what to do with. And, if you’re like me, you won’t want to get rid of any of them. Again, in knit-speak, these other tubers are like your small balls of leftover stash: Don’t need ‘em; can’t use ‘em; can’t bring yourself to get rid of ‘em.
So Sunday I inspected my stored tubers…
…hauled them out into the garden in the requisite overly precious basket, although we all know a ratty cardboard box or old paper bag would’ve done just as well…
…had a moment of silence for the one tuber that had rotted completely away…
…discovered happily that it was the exception as most of the tubers were showing perky little nubbins of growth…
…while one had obviously been dipping into the Viagra.
Grow well, my pretties, and make your momma proud.
(Side note: While I was fussing with my dahlias, I was by no means alone since I was kept company by this fella...
...a red-shafted flicker who has been excavating that hole, one peck at a time, for, oh, at least a month now. The result is this, a carpet of wood shavings that grows steadily larger every day (that dark brown stuff is just dried leaves although, granted, it does look suspiciously like poop):
)
*TMK tells me that there are no snails here in Western Washington, which leaves me with a dilemma: Who’s going to break the news to the two I found in my garden on Sunday?
Posted by Ryan at April 26, 2006 10:16 AMI love dahlias, too--in fact, my love of dahlias also started at a flower show at the mall, except the mall was in Olympia. I settle for annual dahlias, though. The real kind scare me. (I am a total wuss of a gardener. I don't do roses because they scare me, too.)
Posted by: Kirsten on April 26, 2006 10:34 AMTheoretically, Kirsten, here in the Northwest, at least to the West of the mountains, you can leave the dahlias in the ground over winter. Some will rot but most will come up again. Which is a good thing because the truth is...I don't always dig them up. In fact, this year was the first time in a while.
I do some roses but only because some were here when I bought the house, one (my favorite) was given to me as a house-warming gift, and I'm not all that invested in how they look. I enjoy 'em, but I don't get all worked up about 'em.
Posted by: Ryan on April 26, 2006 10:41 AMThose are beautiful. I highly doubt they'd grow down here. And yeah, that one may be $18 a piece, but LOOK AT IT. Plus the bush turns out to be 4', it said, so I think that's a fair deal. All of my flowers have to be annuals because I haven't found one that will last our summer, so I spend that much and more, twice a year, to refill my sad little planters. Maybe this year I'll put up shade cloth and water them with ice cubes.
Posted by: Carrie on April 26, 2006 10:44 AMI bought some tubers this year at (cough) Home Depot. I know, the travesty. Just waiting for a bit of time to get some compost on the wasteland that the plumbers left out front. This will be my first time with dahlias - a lot of water, you say? hmm
Love your flicker! I saw my hummingbird the other day again, first time in a month. I wonder if you'll get baby flickers???!!!
Posted by: Patti on April 26, 2006 11:07 AMMs. Ryan, my thunb is as black as yours. I can kill weeds by looking at them. Good plants don't stand a chance. There are 2 exceptions. I can plant one Alyssum seed and have it take over a garden in 2 weeks. The other is marigolds. A variety that was supposed to be 6-10 inches tall got about 5' tall on me. All I did was plant them. Everything else hates me.
Posted by: Stalker Angie on April 26, 2006 11:07 AMMmm...prettiness! I have a lot of respect for hearty plants, since I too have that black thumb problem. Now...if only I had a yard.
Posted by: Imbrium on April 26, 2006 11:14 AMLovely dahlias, Ryan. If I ever get my various planting beds in order I will have to try my hand at growing dahlias -- though I'm not keen on all that staking nonsense, and I would *definitely* leave my tubers in the ground and say a prayer for them that they survive the winter. :)
Be glad Mr. Flicker is not nesting in the side of your house! Our neighbors were fit to be tied last year when the local flicker(s) started pecking holes in their cedar siding. Ouch.
Note to TMK: there most certainly ARE snails in Western Washington. Didn't used to see very many, but in recent years they seem to be getting more abundant. I wonder why?
Posted by: Denise in Kent, WA on April 26, 2006 11:15 AMDenise, at least once a year, the flickers find the metal flashing on my chimney pipe. Early in the morning. Way before my alarm clock goes off. I can't tell you how many times I've had to schlep out into the garden, eyes half-closed and body rudimentarily clad, to start flinging rocks and pebbles at my pointy-beaked nemesis.
Posted by: Ryan on April 26, 2006 11:30 AMRyan - Should you find yourself with some extra tubers, I'd be delighted to take them off your hands... (You probably shouldn't trust me with them. My gardening skills are notoriously uneven. I've killed several MINT plants.)
TMK - I have personally plucked snails off various garden plants at my friend Nancy's house. Thar be snails in these here parts, matey.
Posted by: Melinda on April 26, 2006 11:51 AMBut Ryan, Poor Mr. Flicker is just lookin' for love! How can you be so cruel as to deny him the chance to locate his soul mate? ROFL
The flickers do that drumming thing on our chimney cap, too. DH complains about regularly. At least it does no permanent damage (except maybe to your nerves...) Luckily the flickers are not yet feeling amorous at 0430 when I crawl out of bed. ;)
Posted by: Denise in Kent, WA on April 26, 2006 12:15 PMI love those flowers! Unfortunately moving house has impoverished me, so no planting will be done this year.
Maybe a few dahlias next year.
Curse you! Shall I now have 200 lbs of tubers as well as of stash??
Posted by: Rabbitch on April 26, 2006 01:35 PMIf I've enticed you properly, Rabbitch, the answer is, hell, yeah!
Posted by: Ryan on April 26, 2006 01:43 PMWouldn't that be "machisma"?
And I secretly (well, not so secretly *now*) feel the same way about irises.
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on April 26, 2006 01:51 PMThere are most definitely snails in western Washington. My dog likes to try and eat them when I'm not paying enough attention.
Crunchy.
Mizzy Ryan,
Why just today I was looking at some dahlias at our food Co-op, Weavers Way Co-op.
A sunny bight yellow one caught my eye.
Good to hear of your WA gardening adventures as I hope to have my own WA gardening adventures some day in the near future.
Always a joy to read your posts.
XOXO to you all.
From what I understand, the snails are a fairly new gift from other parts of the country. They have hitchhiked into the state in plant and produce shipments and seem to be surviving our winter cold snaps. Lucky us! TMK
Posted by: The Mysterious K on April 26, 2006 05:53 PMI also have a black thumb, and when I say black, I mean black. I've managed to kill cacti and spider plants. I followed exact instructions to the letter on how to care for my boyfriend's indoor herbs while he was in Florida, and they withered to nothing with every day care, love, and attention. It's like they knew he left.
I'm not a big dahlia fan, but I think it's because the ones around here likely suffer from all the above "dahlia issues", and although they grow they always end up falling half over from their own weight, and the petals are bright but moth-eaten.
Posted by: Karlie on April 26, 2006 10:32 PMThe dahlias are beautiful. It's fascinating they can be so big too. I've thought they'd be cute in an Alice in Wonderland type garden with gigantic flowers so I'd feel very very small...hm hmm go ask Alice... er where was I?
Oh! but I kill plants regularly, I don't mean to and I feel very guilty about it. Killing off an $18 tuber would be more than I could bear. That dang Brecks catalog keeps calling to me though.
How 'bout eatin them snails? Do you grow garlic? escargot, yum yum
Yeah Ryan. I found a few snails in my yard in Woo-ville this weekend.
Dahlias are great and I have grown them in the past. I also like zinnias, the lazy person's dahlia.
I am still struggling away with a few irises I got years ago from Walsterway Gardens in Maltby. DO. NOT. GO. THERE. Don't say I didn't warn you...
Posted by: Molly on April 27, 2006 06:04 AMAm I the only one who cannot, no matter how hard I try, avoid hearing the word "tuber" spoken in a California surfer dude voice?
God, I'm old.
Posted by: Lee Ann on April 27, 2006 06:34 AMMay I suggest the following
http://www.stun-ningsales.com/SportStore/wrist-rocket.htm
in the fight against the flicker? The wrist rockets are fun, easy to learn to use, can take a variety of ammunition (small pebbles, navy beans, ball bearings - NOT recommended near windows - dried peas, anything small and round).
I am actually pretty accurate and am able to hit a pigeon in the chest at 30 yards with a dried pea. (I won't admit to the fact that I have killed crows with ball bearings in the past.)
With small stones or dried legumes, they would move a flicker pretty quickly, without killing it or breaking a window. Birds are smart enough to learn where they're not wanted.
Posted by: Sweet Caroline on April 27, 2006 08:41 AMSuch lovelies! It was the perfect weekend for gardening! I even broke out the tools and did some ivy removal from around the rose bushes and talked to them about growing up big and strong. I think I used words like, my pretties, my darlings, if you don't grow, I'll hunt you down, etc. You know, words of love.
Posted by: Rebecca on April 27, 2006 09:02 AMLove the Dahlias, but alas, I am another black-thumbed killer of plants. I look at a fern and it withers. They turn brown and crunchy if I touch them. I have even managed to kill the Pothos in our office. I follow the mommy-mantra of "you can look, but don't touch" when it comes to plants now.
Posted by: Bethe on April 28, 2006 05:39 AMI find snails all the time at my parents place in north Seattle, and have found a couple out here in Lynnwood.
Posted by: Ginger on April 28, 2006 08:10 PM