July 31, 2006
A New Take on Cellulite
What the hot weather taught me:
If you sit for any length of time on a hand-knit, heavily cabled Aran pillow wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear, for hours afterwards your thighs and arse buttocks will bear ultra-detailed, exact and deep impressions of the cabling and the stitching. And, as the indentations wear off, it will itch like a muthah, and all pretenses to a delicate and sweetly mannered feminine self will fly out the window as you scratch your nether regions with the finesse of a gorilla.
Recently, however, the temperature dropped precipitously into the high sixties, thank you, Jaysus, which meant (a) I've gone back to wearing pants and (b) TMK had the energy to resume working on the Norma Project and was calm enough to venture into Manland without reflexively slapping the first man she saw, which was good because, you know, he would've slapped back and then she would've slapped back again and then there would've been police and trip to the jail and bail and, oh, the whole thing would've been a mess.
As of this writing, she has avoided The Big House and has, instead, directed her energies toward adding most of the crushed rock base (about half a yard) to the hole and now needs but a couple of bags to finish the job. Frankie expressed her continued resentment of the Norma Project by immediately pooping on the new rock when she thought no one was looking. Given the location of the poop, we're convinced that she deliberately and precisely positioned her little heinie over the edge to do the job, even to the point of squatting a few inches away and then backing up until she had it Just Right. (Sorry, Norma; no reflection on you. I don't think.)
I have slowly and hesitantly continued to pick away at the bulky yellow vest design, and have this so far:
The armhole ribbing flares rather unattractively but I think I may have neglected to go down a needle size when I knit it. I'm also toying with the idea of doing an i-cord edge instead. What do you knitters think? (I'm hoping you'll all say, "Bad, bad idea, Ryan," because do I know how to do a knitted-on i-cord? Uh, no.)
(To give you an idea of what it's like to work with yarn this bulky, each side of the front of the vest is knit using only 16 stitches; by the time you've decreased for the armhole and the v-neck, you're down to 7 stitches; and the current (experimental) armhole ribbing consists of only three rows. If this ain't a quick knit, I don't know what is!)
Blog-wise, the next two or three weeks will continue to be spotty, although I am back at work. Since some of the major "guts" of our office building are being replaced, we are all temporarily being housed in one large room, meaning my opportunity to post anything, to sneak a peek at the comments, or check my email will be greatly diminished. However, I will see what I can do. I can always attempt one or two "drive-by bloggings" at TMK's house using TMK's laptop which was, by the way, the ultimate lifesaver during my recuperation. In fact, I spent so much time in the room where she had it set up that after a few days we were referring to the room as the Opium Den. Will post when I can, Dear Readers!
Why didn't we get a picture of the heavily cabled Aran thighs & buttocks?? (tee hee)
On the vest, maybe you could just do single crochet around the armhole? That would be easier and quicker than either ribbing or I-cord, and with the size of that yarn, one row should be enough.
Posted by: Diana on July 31, 2006 12:14 PMOkay, well, even though you're back at work (and I hope they're treating you SUPER nicely), you're funnier than ever. The first two paragraphs almost kilt me. And while it does sound uncomfortable, now I almost want to try that Aran trick, just to see. Wait! I could make Lala do it! Yeah, that.
xo
Just be happy you weren't laying on that pillow topless. Those would be some CABLES.
Glad you're doing well, and the vest is super-cute. I second the idea of a crocheted edge. Quick, easy, done.
Stupid one big room at work. What, do they think you're supposed to NOT surf the net at work? What do they expect you to do to kill all those hours?
I can so picture Frankie doing that -- I'm sure that you are exactly right she backed up to it till she was in just the right spot.
And laptop and wireless -- go together oh so wonderfully.
Posted by: rho on July 31, 2006 12:55 PMOh Ryan, you know how to make a dainty girl like me spew my coffee all over my laptop!
Come on Ryan, knitted on i-cord IS easy.... I swear. If you can wait till our next guild meeting, I can show you! Just email me and let me know... I will even make a swatch to show you. ;-)
Posted by: Rose on July 31, 2006 01:04 PMThere's a (tasteless) joke here somewhere, about you coming back from (plumbing) surgery to an office undergoing something to do with having its guts replaced....
But I'm not the kind of person who would make such a tasteless joke aloud, so I thought I'd just, you know....hint about it.
*evil grin*
Glad you're feeling so much better, and totally digging on the idea of a sixteen stitch vest!
Posted by: MaryB in Richmond on July 31, 2006 02:05 PMI totally wanna call you Cable-Butt now. This makes me laugh until I snort. It really does. Blog Mistress Cable Butt, of the Washington Cable-Butts.*kiss kiss* *snerk*
I concur with the whole single crochet edge. So quick, so easy, so done. But, I'm biased.
Posted by: Stalker Angie on July 31, 2006 02:20 PMDear, Dear Readers. Now you are assuming I can do whip off a single crochet edge. Again, nuh-uh. Actually, I do have some crochet experience; it's just so far in the distant past I've forgotten everything. Besides, who has a crochet hook That Frickin' Big?
- Blog Mistress Cable Butt
Posted by: Ryan on July 31, 2006 02:26 PMI wonder why Frankie disapproves of the new patio? What a clever way to show exactly how she felt perhaps about losing some of the lawn?
The vest looks cute and in that color especially warm. It is so nice to think of someone cozied up on a cold winter day with a color that reminds them of summertime. It looks fast to knit, a great thing for a slow knitter like me.
I have some pretty spring green bulky yarn I would love to use on a Dulaan vest. Hope you have a chance to post the pattern soon.
I'd vote for the I-cord. To my jaundiced eye, knits that are finished in single crochet look like nobody wanted to bother...er finishing them. It's like the zig-zag stitch in sewing - fine for keeping the edges of the fabric from raveling, but you don't really want it on the outside of the garment.
I'll do a tutorial for Wednesday's post - and if you decide on the I-cord, it'll be there for you.
I bet you have really mixed feelings about going back to work, but Ryan, I am so glad you're well enough to do so!
Posted by: Robbyn on July 31, 2006 03:08 PMI-cord. Definitely I-cord. Tell ya what, you do the attached I-cord on the vest, and I'll dig out the purse I started a year and a half ago that is waiting for...
the attached I-cord edging, which I too do not know how to do. Waddaya say, Ryan? Shall we learn together?
Posted by: kmkat on July 31, 2006 06:05 PMFirst of all: Frankie, no offense taken. Actually, knowing Vincent as I do, I know this was akin to Martha Stewart breaking a bottle of bubbly on the newest cruise ship.
Second: I hate to say it, Ryan, but I'm totally on board with the single-crochet edging idea. I just did it on that hat and enjoyed it so much that I did another row. And then another. It was addictive. And really FAST. I-cord would take 675 years.
Third: Tomorrow my blogpost has a LOT of links to your blog and old entries and the like. Just thought I'd warn you in case you wanted to put on your fancy bathrobe or somethin'. :)
Posted by: Norma on July 31, 2006 06:18 PMActually, for the record, she can't make Lala do it.
Posted by: Lala on July 31, 2006 07:25 PMAh, a Mossy Cottage Debate has emerged on the I-cord versus the crochet edge idea. Hmmmmm.....your path is clear, dear Ryan--you will need to write up directions for both and let the knitter choose the edging herself. Your point on the crochet hook size ("who has one big enough??") is so well taken. I suspect some of the "I-don't-do-I-cord-ers" will be converted once they see how ridiculously easy it is. Did you all know the "I" in I-cord stands for "idiot"?? Big clue. So simple, even an idiot can do it. Which is me. I'm outta here now....Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on August 1, 2006 07:09 AMI vote for the attached I-cord. It would be great if your blog would show you working through the process too! Just saying...
Posted by: Ruby on August 1, 2006 07:48 AMWhat's this? A controversy on Mossy Cottage? I-cord or crochet edge? Ryan, your path is clear--you will simply have to write the pattern for both methods and let the knitter decide. Either will be functional. Although for those who are resistant to the I-cord, keep in mind what the "I" in I-cord stands for: idiot. Then ask yourself: how difficult could a technique be that has the word "idiot" in it? (Here's a clue: it's simple.) Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on August 1, 2006 08:07 AMI concur ~ applied I-cord is simplicity itself and can be learned in about 30 seconds, maybe less. Go for it ~ it's way more attractive than ribbed armholes. Less trouble, too. Glad you're up and about, glad the heat wave is over (bye bye Seattle Summer! See ya next year!) and you go, Frankie-girl! Dogs have so few ways to comment...and I'm pretty sure they all involve secretions of some sort...
Posted by: Rebecca on August 1, 2006 08:13 AMHello Ryan! Glad to see you up and about! I loved the gorilla reference--down here in south Texas in the summer, we have a big problem with "waffle butt" brought on by patio furniture.
Your vest is awesome--superb color choice! The bulky yarn sounds perfect for a non talented knitter like me to try.
Have a great day and take care of yourself.
Posted by: Nancy O on August 1, 2006 11:55 AMI'm glad your butt has recovered :)
The yellow vest is so cute.
ps: I have 35 items knit for Dulaan 2007 (all hats & scarves so nothing too exciting). I'm working towards my 100-items goal.
Thank you Ryan for keeping us inspired.
Oh, gord, Ryan, the comments are almost as funny as your posts. I love the witty interplay. I almost snorted my ice water on the screen when I got to Lala's comment. I'd like to be a fly on their wall. Glad you are well enough to be at work and sad that you have to be.
Posted by: Joan in Reno on August 1, 2006 01:21 PM