September 08, 2006
Learning Stephanie-Speak
(Sorry for the late post today, Dear Readers. The blog host was not cooperating.)
Things I learned from and about Stephanie:
1. Things are either “ass” or “not ass.” For example, American beer: “ass.” Seattle coffee: “Not ass.”
2. Lake Ontario is large enough to surf on. Apparently Torontoans (Torontoites? Torontohoovians?) are inordinately proud of this little-known fact and enjoy springing it on unsuspecting and geographically challenged Americans.
3. There is no “south” in Toronto. You can go east, west or north but not south because, well, see Overly Large Body of Water above. We have a lot of "south" in Washington, a south that continues all the way down to Oregon, California, Mexico, South America, even Tierra del Fuego, if you're feeling adventuresome enough. At the end of our tour of downtown Seattle, we had to walk ten blocks south to get back to Stephanie's hotel and I think even that little taste of the unknown, of the physically impossible, left her feeling confused and twitchy. It was our revenge on her for her having sprung the vastness of Lake Ontario on us when we were so unprepared.
4. Communication between Americans and Canadians goes much more smoothly if you can whip an entire atlas out of your purse. Which she did.
5. Canadians give distances in time, as in, “it would take 15 minutes to get to that restaurant which, by the way, is not ass.” Americans give distances in, well, distances, as in, “The restaurant is five miles away and, you’re wrong; it is ass.”
6. She can get anybody—and I mean anybody—to hold La Sock for a photo op. It is a remarkable talent. You think, “Nope. No way. The fishmonger would never…” and five seconds later, you are all huddled around her digital camera, peering at a picture of a local fishmonger holding her sock and, in fact, playfully peering through it as if it were a loupe. We have, however, discovered her secret: a unique, stealthy, "swoop in and swoop out" technique which leaves the victim holding the sock and reeling from the camera flash before he ever knows what hit him.
7. If you make the mistake of drafting fine merino top (which doesn't, apparently, need drafting), when you spin it, it will get sucked out of your hands and into the spinning wheel so fast you will be left gasping and sputtering with astonishment and disappointment. (TMK, who received a pantload of beautiful white merino top from Stephanie and which she tried to spin last night, reports that, at least in her case, even if you don’t draft it, chances are you will still be left empty-handed, clutching vainly at the place where the strand of top used to be, gasping and sputtering with astonishment and disappointment. This is ass. Although, perhaps, with practice, this will become not ass.)
8. The molecular weight of heparin is 3.2. Don’t ask.
Moving on. As promised, photos of the two FOs completed last weekend.
The first one is a sweater knit using an online pattern I can’t find anymore and Paton’s Décor acrylic/wool blend, in both a purple, green, brown variegated colorway and in a dark plum purple. The collar of the sweater shown in the pattern was obscured by the collar of a shirt so, all too late, I discovered the sweater was designed with a boat neck. In my world, boat necks are about on par with sock monkeys so I slapped a collar on. I wasn’t sure how it would work since the boat neck had so little shaping but it worked poifectly!
This is a hat I knit using leftover Cascade 220 and this pattern. The pattern caused me much aggro since the chart, which is all of 4 x 5, had two mistakes in it (round 3, square 3, and round 5, square 3 should not have “x’s” in them) but this hat was still fun, easy, and a great way to use up mini-balls of yarn. It was also the first hat I’ve knit where you make a flat “envelope” at the top and then meet the two flaps in the middle, origami-like. Again, fun. A keeper. The pattern I mean, not the hat. The hat has Ulan Baatar written all over it.
I say again: YAYAYAYAYAY!
A friend here in Tucson has decided that the ass/not ass tradition is a good one, and that we should incorporate it into our daily verbage. Arse, actually. Arse is great. It's a verb, it's a noun, it's an adjective, and by golly I'll work it in as an adverb, too.
I love the sweater and the hat both. Is the sweater for Dulaan also? I wonder, because it's an acrylic blend, and I thought the Mongolian word of the day was Woolly Fibers Only, please. Just wondering. Cuz otherwise I would arse it up. (See? I love it.)
Another thing I learned about Stephanie is that "ass" and "arse" mean two completely different things. Can't remember the context well enough to define them clearly but they are syntactically and grammatically different. Who knew?
Nope, the Mongolian word of the day is "any extra-warm fibers you have lying around the house." Some Dulaaners insist on using wool, some, including myself, have been known to use Dulaan as an excuse to use up (my better) acrylic, some use both. So, yes, the sweater is going to MongoLEEa. I loved the Decor, actually; nicely soft, very pliable, fun to knit.
Posted by: Ryan on September 8, 2006 02:57 PMI'm pretty sure it is Torontonian ... but I've never actually lived there (just Ottawa) so will default to a resident if I'm wrong.
Finished my first Dulaan hat a couple of days ago.
Actually afghans for Afghans is wool-or-natural-fibers-only, and I think Children in Common is also wool only. It's just that (a) it's colder than you-know-what in Mongolia and (2) wool is warmer than acrylic, and and (III) machine washing isn't an issue in Mongolia. I figure if I'm going to spend that time knitting, I'll get more bang for my buck, as it were, with wool.
I really hope Stephanie reads and will explain these ass and not ass terms. I can't recall her using ass or not ass, but she says (and writes) arse all the time. Ass isn't arse? They're not interchangeable terms? And some Seattle beer is definitely not ass. What the hell were you giving her to drink? She'll just have to return to drink some not ass beer.
And this whole south Toronto thing--hell, I grew up on the EAST SIDE of Milwaukee and if you'll note, there is a frigging big body o'water (that people surfed on) called Lake Michigan right there. So how can there be an east side of Milwaukee and no south side of Toronto? Mary B
That hat is not ass. I must get off my arse and knit some not-ass hats. :) I actually have three hats for Dulaan, and a pair of socks, whenever y'all are ready!
Posted by: Julie on September 8, 2006 04:06 PMDamn, I should have known it would be too difficult to learn another language. Arse, ass, whatever comes out my mouth... usually starts with an F, actually - I thought using "arse" would clean things up before the baby starts talking.
Oh well. He goes to a daycare in a pentecostal church, so I hope he's there when he lets fly with some blue words. (I'm pretty sure his first full sentence will be, "Daddy is a ...." I should probably stop saying that to him, even in jest...)
Ok, I have to disagree on the coffee thing.
Seattle's Best = not ass
Tully's = not ass
Starbucks = burnt ass
IMO YMMV
Posted by: Ginger on September 8, 2006 04:20 PMMaryB, we did succeed in finding Stephanie some beer which was not ass. However, the very fact that she was drinking beer that was "not ass" caused her to regale us with American stories about beer which WAS "ass." I see from her entry about Oregon that she was able to get some beer that was not ass down there, too.
And, don't ask ME about the east of Milwaukee/ south of Toronto thing. It's at times like this that I'm glad I can hide behind my mantra: "I didn't grow up in this country. I'm Peruvian. I don't know anything about North American geography." Phew!
Posted by: Ryan on September 8, 2006 04:24 PMGinger: Do you really think I'd let Stephanie drink Charbucks? No ma'am! It was Tully's for her!
MaryB: We did manage to find Stephanie a not-ass beer Sunday night upstairs at Pacific Place. ;-)
TMK
Posted by: The Mysterious K on September 8, 2006 04:24 PMThe sweater? Totally not ass. The hat? Also totally not ass. (That's good, right? I would SO hate to mess up my hip, swingin' Canadian slang.) And although I know wool is warmer, I am using up my acrylic stash for Dulaan hats, too. I just make sure the fabric is plenty dense and has a double layer of knitted goodness over the ears.
Posted by: kmkat on September 8, 2006 04:27 PMI'm lovin' the little sweater. And now thinking perhaps I'll have to listen more closely to Stephanie the next time she comes to the SnB. Can't say I remember the particular ass/not ass verbal idiosyncracy. Interesting.
Oh, and thank you for the info about Rachel the giant pig, TMK. Still not entirely sure how I feel about the name in common, but at least I know she's doing good works.
Posted by: Rachel H on September 8, 2006 05:11 PMWell, in re point #5: we discovered, on our recent trip to New York City, that the native or wanna be's there speak in terms of time, not distance. I was stunned. "It's about 5 minutes away." "What are you talking about? How many blocks is it?" "I don't know. It's about 5 minutes from here." "I don't understand. How far away is it" This can go on for quite a while, actually, and made me fall in love with New Yorkerianites, who were invariably polite through the entire exchange.
Cute sweater and hat, btw. I'll be back this Monday--See you at soon!
I looked at the hat pattern and have a question (or two or three)... do you make it smaller for children and knit on dpns? Or is that a full size hat and we hope all the children in Mongolia like big hats? I'm having a bit of a time with size of hats over here on the right coast, even the cloud hat I made seems somehow quite large for children.
Posted by: Kathleen on September 8, 2006 05:34 PMForget time vs. miles. Wanna have some real fun? Ask a southerner (a real one, not a transplant like me), "Can I walk there?" Then laugh your arse off while you watch them try to figure out why on earth anyone would want to do such a thing.
Posted by: Kirsten on September 8, 2006 05:54 PMAnd that hat pattern is so frigging cool, bythe way. Thanks for the picture and the link. I'm gonna make a bunch of 'em for Mongolia. One can go totally NUTS with stripes, textures, colors and stranding--I see a happy ending for all of my left over balls of yarn... Whoohoo! And just fold the tops over--heck, I can do the knitting and Parker can do the origami folding/sewing. He's been wanting to do something for Dulaan (short of learning how to knit, that is). I tried to talk him into going as a nurse on the next trip, but he wasn't going for it. Would have been a win/win for me, but alas, he'd rather stay home with me. Mary B
Posted by: Mary B on September 8, 2006 06:05 PMShe told me the pony puke was not ass, which made me feel a lot better about knitting with it. I was worried.
Posted by: Lee Ann on September 8, 2006 07:18 PMDon't ask?! How can you possibly ask us not to ask?! Radom mentions of heparin indicate a swell story and I for one am asking asking asking. As for ass... I think the whole thing sounds a little counterintuitive. I think that the good things SHOULD be ass, and the bad stuff not ass. Just sounds better to me that way. I'll have to practice this ass thing to get the hang of it.
Posted by: marylee on September 9, 2006 02:53 AMI'm just lovin' the sweater and hat - the colors are sweeeeeeeet!
Posted by: Norma on September 9, 2006 06:57 AMHere in the DC metro area we don't do distance in miles either -- it's all in time probably because we officially have the 2nd worst commuting time in the US. Telling us five miles could mean 10 - 15 minutes or an hour. Distance is meaningless. We don't care how far something is -- we just want to know if we'll need to pack a snack or a meal for the drive.
Posted by: Donna in Virginia on September 9, 2006 07:19 AMI live in Washington (state, not DC) now, but grew up in Southern California where distance is definitely measure in time for the same reason Donna in Virginia mentioned. Traffic is so bad down there that you've got to figure distance + time of day + construction delay + 2 minor accidents (or one major) = travel time.
Posted by: Janice on September 9, 2006 09:35 AMYes, it's Torontonians. (Tho I've never been there. Sad, I know.) People from my town are Liverpudlians. It's true, too, that we measure distance in time! I always say, "Bridgewater is a half-hour drive from here" or "Halifax is an hour-and-a-half drive". Funny. (The only actual distance I do know is to Halifax, which is 90 miles, because one of the trucking companies we worked for paid us in miles from Liverpool to Halifax!)
Decor yarn isn't too bad. I've got some leftovers from a sweater that was knit for the store that I am using to make Dulaan mittens. It's the first time I've used it. Love your little sweater and hat!
yup it isTorontonians and we be - not ass-
I happen to live south of Steph. But just a little south tomuch more and I'd be in the lake.. Rachel H, on the otherhand lives way up north in the city. She be not ass too. Unless she is not busy in the shop turning spindles then she be in Big Ass Trouble from me.
That sweater is really pretty! Nice job.
Note to TMK: merino is HARD. Here's what to do. Make everything on your wheel LOOSE. Loosen the takeup so that you feel like you have plenty of time to work on that fiber before the wheel takes it. Loosen the drive band so that it is very easy to treadle. Then try again. That did it for me. That, and remembering merino is SHORT and you have to do lots of little teeny drafting instead of just a little long drafting. Sorry for the technical language...
Hey there Cuzzin Ryan,
Cuzzin Tom sent me to your blog this am to check out the Ass/Not Ass lesson. He was right. Made me hoot lots and nearly get fired.
Gotta clear a few things up:
Lee Ann: Ponies can't puke. A crappy evolutionary quirk. Sometimes, when it would be helpful to puke, their guts get all twisted up and they can die.
TMK: ANYTHING found in Pacific Place is, by definition, ASS.