February 12, 2007
Surreal to the Max
Sometimes having a blog, and wearing your electronic heart on your electronic sleeve, can come back to bite you on the arse. If you are thinking about starting a blog, be warned.
This weekend we had a knit-in/spin-in/birthday get-together. It was, of necessity, very small, given the size of TMK’s living room which holds 9 people and 4 spinning wheels, which we discovered as we shoehorned in 10 and 5, respectively. To move around, we had to operate very much like those puzzles where pieces of a picture are laid out in a grid with one blank space and you have to move piece A to the left, Piece B to the right, Piece C down and piece D up, ad infinitum. But our lovely guests, also known as Puzzle Pieces A through H, were very patient and we made it work. It didn’t hurt that we bribed them with this, TMK’s lasagna, made from scratch:
And this, a cake TMK special-ordered (even supplying the artwork) which was scrumptious, despite the fact that the dark-royal-blue icing gave all of us blue lips and teeth. Not a good look.
One of the rules of the party was “no gifts.” Who was I kidding? With that group?
The good news: I got my uterus back. Even better, it is now bright pink, cuddly and almost kitten-y soft.
The bad news, my uterus now has a rhinestone zipper. Even worse: It still has fibroids. Lots of fibroids.
Even worse: My uterus now also contains a sock monkey. A small sock monkey, granted, but a sock monkey all the same—and we know how I feel about sock monkeys. Shudder.
The quite unexpected acquisition of a new uterus led to many surreal utterances over the course of the weekend, such as:
Me: "Honey, where’s my uterus?" Her, without blinking an eye: "I dunno. Where’d you last leave it?"
Or:
“Ack! One of my fibroids just rolled under the kitchen table.” Immediately followed by, “Frankie, put that fibroid down!”
Or:
“Should I put my sock monkey back in my uterus or put it on my keychain?”
Or:
“I almost forgot to pack my uterus in my overnight bag.”
Or:
“I wonder if I could fit sock yarn, a pattern, and four dpns in my uterus and use it as a project bag.”
But it didn’t end there. Tune in on Wednesday for more madness.
I loved this entry. Made my day! On the same level as the uterus. Go to www.theanticraft.com and take a look at the Snatchel. Not satchel, S.N.A.T.C.H-el! Its a riot too. Even gives directions. By the way, Happy Birthday!
Posted by: KellyD on February 13, 2007 09:21 AMUterus humor. Now, that's something I didn't expect.
Way too funny!
Posted by: Kris on February 13, 2007 02:23 PMI think we should ALL make pink fuzzy uteri with rhinestone zippers for all our friends who may have had hysterectomies. Isn't it just something with the right touch of whimsey and sympathy a woman would think of? I've been puzzling over what a guy could do for his buddy who has had a vasectomy or a testicle removed due to cancer or something--somehow it's just not the same....MaryB
Posted by: Maryb on February 13, 2007 02:59 PMOh man, I could ~puke~. I'm still completely bummed that I missed this, the lasagna, the uterus (not so much the sock monkey), the spinning and knitting. Bah!
I'm glad you had a fantastic time.
Posted by: Rabbitch on February 13, 2007 04:01 PMRe what Mary B. said....well he certainly wouldn't use it for a project bag......with or without a handle!
Posted by: Linda "K" on February 13, 2007 07:24 PMWhere the hell was the rhinestone zipper when I had my surgery, eh? Geesh...
I am, however, glad that no one knitted me a felted skull with a brain inside.
Damn. Now I'm thinking about how much sewn-together, squiggly i-cord would look like a brain...
Happy, happy birthday, Ryan. Rock on widja bad sock monkey.
Posted by: Lee Ann on February 14, 2007 09:03 AMThis post is too funny. I have never suffered from sock monkeys in the uterus...I just can't imagine;)
Posted by: Barb on February 22, 2007 12:14 AM