February 27, 2008
Revenge of the Gym Equipment
Much to my (and, I think, TMK’s) astonishment, except for a week and a half when I was as sick as a dawg, I’m still going to the gym. Loathe it, of course, but I keep going because it seems to be the only thing the Boogey Man of Despair understands. (Although I am getting a little tired of his melodramatic, Wizard of Oz “I’m melting” shtick.)
Last night’s workout adventure was discovering a piece of equipment I couldn’t get off of. Why didn’t anyone tell me that ellipticals, which I had been on before and which I understood, and StairMasters, which I hadn’t and didn’t, are not the same? My first hint should've been that every single elliptical was being used while there wasn’t a single person on any of the StairMasters.
Clueless, I got on the infernal thing and pushed the Start button, the foot thingies started to move, and that was when I realized it wasn’t an elliptical at all but the Gym Equipment from Hell. I immediately started looking desperately around for a Slow Down button or a Stop button and couldn’t find either so I just kept chugging slowly, painfully away, unable to stop. (Anyone out there a Kingston Trio fan? Do you know the “Charlie on the MTA” song*? I had visions of spending the rest of my life like Charlie, doomed to live on a piece of gym equipment until I was old and gray the way he was doomed to live on the subway, with TMK coming by every so often, like Charlie’s wife, to hand me a sandwich.) Eventually, I became exhausted and had no choice but to stop stepping and prepare for the worst, for being flung like a ragdoll halfway across the gym—and the foot thingies obligingly ceased their hellish quicksand-like motion and sank to the ground. I was free! I breathed a sigh of relief, and stepped off in a manner that I hoped was graceful and confident (and athletic; let's not forget athletic!), also hoping, once again, no one had been watching. (Is it just me, or do I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time at the gym hoping no one is watching? First there was the sideways lurch off the treadmill and now this…)
Although we lost TMK completely to the alternative lifestyle of dieting and non-stop grunting and sweating in the gym for a while, she did recently do some spinning. And the results are wonderful. Rooster Rock from Blue Moon which used to look like this heah...
Now looks like this heah, in its three-ply form...
TMK was hoping the color runs would correspond more exactly but the results are still num-num-num delicious, like the mottled looks of some Trekking XXLs. And y’all know how I feel about Trekking! Given the various beiges, browns and terra cottas, and given that we always name her finished yarns after food products, and given how wackadoo things have been lately, I say we call this Mixed Nuts.
In the meantime, I’ve discovered that I can knit and do crossword puzzles at the same time. Stockinette or garter stitch required, of course. If the pattern required anything else, I think my head would explode.
*For those of you who don't know this marvelous song, thanks to the magic of modern technology, here it is on YouTube.
Have you picked your knitting for the trip to Maui? Stair Masters are in one of Dante's rings, I am not quite sure which one.
The yarn is beautiful.
Posted by: PICAdrienne on February 27, 2008 12:06 PMI'm from the Boston area, so I am very familiar with Charlie. Heck, our subway cards are called Charlie Cards.
As for the Stairmaster, I never get on those things anymore. If I am going to kill my knees, I'll do it by running like a chicken on a treadmill or something similar. Or I'll take a step aerobics class.
Posted by: Seanna Lea on February 27, 2008 12:16 PMIf you like crossword puzzles, check out computer Scrabble (TM). You can buy it for your pc on one of those $9.99 software racks at most office stores and Best Buy, and it is way cool! I knit while I contemplate my next move.
Knitting really helps me come up with words, sometimes, but, alas, many knitting words like "nepp", "WIP" and "FO" are not in the Scrabble dictionary. (It pays, however, to know many Yiddush words and units of foreign currency!).
Posted by: Janknitz on February 27, 2008 12:27 PMNot a fan of the stairmaster. It's a little Sisyphean for me. But really, aren't all those cardio machines? Run for an hour and never actually go anywhere... I could sit and knit for an hour and do the same...
TMK's spinning is seriously yummy. I'm taking a class next Saturday and I'm pretty well excited about it.
I'm from the East Coast - I TOTALLY know that song.
And that is some bee-yoo-tee-uss spinning by TMK!
Posted by: no-blog-rachel on February 27, 2008 01:45 PM"Charlie and the MTA" is right up there on my personal Hit Parade. Sadly, my children don't get it, they think I'm a little whacky.
"Citizens of Boston, don't you think it's a scandal how the people have to pay and pay? Fight the fare increase, vote for GEORGE O'BRIEN, get poor Charlie off the MTA!"
(wanders off singing)
Posted by: Cathy-Cate on February 27, 2008 02:46 PMKnit and crossword puzzles simutaneously?! "Stunning!" says she for whom walking and chewing gum simultaneously involve advanced motor skills she lacks.
Posted by: Kristen on February 27, 2008 02:47 PMYou are BRAVE, Ms. Ryan. I suppose I should get on the Stair-Master tonight. That's what I used to do, back in the day, and I seem to be good at it. I have pretty muscular thighs -- and in fact, out in the Big Wide World, I can't seem to walk on flat ground (makes my pelvis/hips ache) but I can always hike an incline. But I've been loving the elliptical and always get annoyed when they're all being used. If they are, though, I've been going for the recumbent bike rather than the SM. Perhaps it's a sign of getting lazy in my old age? XO
Posted by: Norma on February 27, 2008 03:06 PMOh, she never returned, no she never returned...But you did survive which is more than most of America could do.
(And then there's the eternal question - Why didn't she hand him a nickle instead of a sandwich?)
Nice tweedy stripes, K.
Posted by: KarenJoSeattle on February 27, 2008 03:55 PMI know of the man "who never returned!" :)
I know nothing of Stair Master (except what I've seen on TV!) ;)
Posted by: Kathleen on February 27, 2008 04:40 PMKnitting and crossword puzzles? The mind boggles (of course, maybe this is why I can't do both at once). As for stairmasters, they just depress me -- all those steps going nowhere. It's a little to close to my work life sometimes...
Posted by: Jocelyn on February 27, 2008 05:05 PMI'm proud of you - and wicked embarrassed to admit I've been paying monthly for a gym membership and it's been MONTHS since I went. I am SO ashamed, truly (maybe I'll go tomorrow...I'm hoping my contract runs out soon, like when I can start walking outdoors). All this spinning going on, it's so beautiful! Kudos to TMK - enticing as it is, I love spinners the way I love Fair Isle knitters - gives me something to adore, admire, appreciate, because I don't know as either will ever by in my repertoire.
Posted by: dale-harriet in WI on February 27, 2008 05:08 PMI dare not click on the you-tube link - That's a song guaranteed to give you earworm! I've spent too much time in gyms to fare well on the cardio equipment. I know how to cheat on all of them so it's almost a waste of time. It's spin class for me until it's warm enough to get out and put some miles on the bike. You can't cheat on 40 miles of hills.
Posted by: ellenk on February 27, 2008 08:04 PMI have grown up humming that song, honey...if you live anywhere near Boston and you are of a certain age, you know Charlie and you associate every friggin' piece of exercise equipment that has an "ON" button with that dire, sandwich-fed situation.
Need a nickel, sweets? :-)
Gin Miller and I are spending some quality time with the Reebok step and my DVD player. I feel your pain.
Posted by: Lee Ann on February 28, 2008 07:17 PM