March 26, 2008
Phobias, Gay Whales, and a Wedding
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your coming to read this claptrap about our trip. As I mentioned after our Arizona adventure, blogs can easily become the modern-day equivalent of grandpappy hauling out the old slide projector and boring everyone to death with grainy slides, but you come and read anyway. Bless you. As your reward, you get more claptrap. A lot more.
I had to grin a bit at everyone’s confessions about their phobias in the last set of comments because, coincidentally, a large part of this trip, for TMK, at least, was about conquering phobias. With her permission, let’s list them, shall we?
1. Being in a confined space like, oh, for example, an airplane
2. Being in a confined space like, oh, for example, an airplane, for a long time like, oh, for example, six hours
3. Flying over an ocean like, oh, for example, the Pacific
4. Being in open ocean water while, oh, for example, swimming, surfing or snorkeling
5. Fish (Yes, just “fish.” I don’t know the extent or the scope of this phobia, so let’s just say she has a general fear of fish. Big ones, small ones—apparently they all bite. Which they don’t, but never mind.)
6. Major adventures that take her out of her comfort zone like, oh, trips to Maui, swimming, surfing, snorkeling, or being near fish
7. Last but not least, people in general, like, oh, for example, other people who might want to swim, surf, snorkel or be near fish in the Pacific waters of Maui
8. (For Rabbitch, I’ll add mayonnaise but this phobia had no bearing on the trip to Maui. Besides, it isn't a phobia; TMK is just delicate.)
Corollary 1: While not exactly a phobia, TMK had never planned a major trip by herself before.
For starters, just to get to Maui, TMK had to confront Phobias 1, 2, 3, 6 and 7 and Corollary 1, which she did with flying colors (especially since she planned the entire trip from flight to condo to car to excursions), with, granted, during the flights, a little help from the wonderful world of chemistry. (Lest she feel picked on, I will confess that the landing in Maui was so rough that I sobbed like a baby at the end. She did not. My thanks go out to the stewardess who cut my sobbing short with the Magically Appearing Cup of Tepid Water.)
On Friday, while I was busy tooling around among coral reefs, fish, and wackadoo free divers, TMK dabbled in the world of surfing. This required facing Phobias 4, 5, 6, 7. When she was done, she was grinning from ear to ear, the phobias starting to become a distant memory. To illustrate and to commemorate, as promised, the first ever Mossy Cottage picture of TMK facing the camera:
Unfortunately and strictly coincidentally, there was a drop of sea water on my lens right where her face was. (And if you believe that, I’ve got this bridge you might be interested in buying.) That aside, look! She’s in open ocean! She’s near fish! She’s near a person! Heck, she’s surfing!!!
Although she didn’t become obsessed with snorkeling the way I did, TMK did her fair share, her first ever, thus further confronting and diminishing phobias 4, 5 and 6. After some slight panicking and hyperventilating similar to mine, she, too, became a Swimmin’ Floatin’ Snorkelin’ Fish-Observin’ Machine, even confessing that she chased (as in, swam closer to) one school of fish because she wanted them to turn sideways and flash their silver color. (Think of the school of silver fish in “Finding Nemo.” I asked her if they’d formed a picture of the Sydney opera house but she said nu-uh. I was disappointed, but not terribly surprised.) Not to mention that she was the one who saw the moray eel . And did she flee? Nope; she pretty much just said, “Kewl! A moray eel!"
After our submarine/surfing adventures we had a most romantic lunch at nearby Pacific’o. This picture is being posted mostly for its being the Hawaii-est-looking picture of the lot.
The next day was Gay-Whale Watching Day. Okay, not actually Gay-Whale Watching Day but we went on a gay whale watching cruise which can be hyphenated thusly, for accuracy: gay whale-watching cruise, or thusly, for fun: gay-whale watching cruise. We chose the latter, ‘natch, and headed out to sea with about 50 “brothers and sisters” to look for whales that spouted with a lisp.
But first, I have to share with you this most remarkable fact: You can stand on the frickin’ shores of South Maui and see whales. You don’t even have to go out on a boat! Swear ta’ God! The day we arrived, we spent the afternoon on the beach and, pretty much any direction you looked on the ocean horizon, you could see spouts, dark, curved backs and the occasional breach. They were small and far away, true, but still; the water was rotten with ‘em. Whales! Everywhere! Like rats! It was like looking out your kitchen window and seeing a squirrel...only not. I was stunned.
But watching dark specks and spume from six miles off wasn’t enough, so off we went on our little boat. We saw lots of whales, probably 10, but, to my frustration, every time I looked to the left, a whale would breach on the right; every time I looked to the right, a whale would breach on the left. It felt a little conspiratorial or as if somebody, somewhere had a giant remote control. Mostly I saw baby whales, and the occasional fin or tail (photo courtesy of TMK).
Because we were there for a wedding, the rest of the time was spent doing wedding things: barbecues, potlucks, picnics, observing all of the peculiar dynamics of the parental-unit ex-wives and ex-husbands who had been brought together for the occasion, and, of course, the wedding itself, presided over by a Hawaiian officiant luscious enough to make me want to change teams. Hubba hubba. He blew a conch shell, which was terribly dramatic; wore handsome, exotic, cream and brown Hawaiian robes; and, most importantly, conducted the ceremony with a quiet intensity that made you believe that he believed that that particular marriage ceremony was the most important one he ever had or ever would preside over, and that he personally would track anyone down who interfered with their sacred union. What a guy!
Oh, and Wednesday night, the food poisoning. Urg.
A coupla extra pictures, just because I have them, the first, me tromping around on the beach en silhouette, the second a "meh" sunset:
A quick foray into the world of knitting since this is a knitting blog. I’ve discovered something if not worse than, at least more humiliating than Second Sock Syndrome: The First-Sock Couture Faux Pas. I don’t know about all of you, but I get as excited now when I finish a first sock as I did six years ago when I finished my first ever. Usually this means I put the sock on right then and there, to admire, if I’m alone, or to flaunt, if I’m not. The problem comes when you forget to take the one sock off, which is why this is how I was dressed on Sunday when TMK and I went out for dinner, something I didn’t realize until too late:
:) We get another picture of your feet! Is this going to become a trip feature. Every trip you go on, we get a picture of your feet?
Wow, great job for TMK of facing all of those phobias in a short time frame. I have never been to Maui, but landing on Oahu is dramatic enough for me.
Other than the food poisoning, sounds like a wonderful trip.
Posted by: PICAdrienne on March 26, 2008 11:04 AMA hearty congratulations to TMK for facing all the phobias -- now that she hasn't got any phobias left, she's darn near perfect.
And no gay whales? Just gay people looking at whales. No offense, but that's a bit boring. What a tease you are Ryan!
The photos are so marvelous -- I'm so envious. And I'm so glad you both had such a lovely time.
Hugs, MaryB
Posted by: MaryB on March 26, 2008 11:15 AMTMK - You ROCK! This is life-changing stuff! Once again you've proved that you are bigger (in spirit and inner self) and stronger than you thought - and nothing will be quite the same again! It can only get better, and you have the woman of your dreams at your side - life is pretty damn good, eh?
Posted by: Linda "K" on March 26, 2008 11:35 AMWhew! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is immediately compelled to try on the finished sock and walk around in it for a while. Although I have to admit that I've never gone to dinner like that...
I am completely envious of your trip. Whales! How cool!
Posted by: Ann on March 26, 2008 12:07 PMYou know...it's all the rage to wear mismatching socks...so all you have to do is say it's a fashion statement. Of course...they usually don't mismatch to a plain ol' white one....but who cares! I'm glad your trip went so well. Welcome back to the gray...I could use a little sun and warmth right about now :)
Posted by: Stephanie on March 26, 2008 12:19 PMYou are PROUD of your one sock! Work it!
And, for MaryB, who's to say what the orientation of the whales was, since Ryan never saw more than a tail or so! Sounds like they were all cruisin'....
Yay for TMK and you both! Other than the food poisoning and assorted family dynamics, it sounds like an awesome time, and I love hearing about other people's trips. Too bad you don't have a picture of the officiant, you have me curious. My great-uncle used to marry people in Hawaii (he was a priest in Honolulu) but I don't think he looked like that (he was a red-headed Irishman, about 5 foot 3 with a dry sense of humor).
Posted by: Cathy-Cate on March 26, 2008 12:30 PMIt looks like you managed to have a lot of fun despite the food poisoning.
I think it would have been more exciting to have actual gay whales, but considering most of us probably couldn't tell if it were two whales of the same gender or not I'm just going to pretend that they were all happily gay and enjoying life to the fullest.
Posted by: Seanna Lea on March 26, 2008 12:34 PMNow we just need to work on the chicken phobia. Guess I better clean the house. ;)
Posted by: Ginger on March 26, 2008 12:55 PMIs it weird that my first thought was "Huh... wonder if food poisoning in Hawaii isn't as bad as food poisoning at home"?
And thanks for the travelogue... it's nothing like "grandpappy hauling out the old slide projector and boring everyone to death with grainy slides." You have me dreaming of beautiful beaches and great adventures!
xoxo, Jill (faithful reader and super-sporadic commenter)
Posted by: Jill on March 26, 2008 01:14 PMTMK is a superhero! I've enjoyed your travelogue, I hope it is the second of many.
Posted by: Elaine on March 26, 2008 03:29 PMSounds like fun-I would love to see the whales! Glad you had such a lovely time-life is good!
Posted by: tayloe on March 26, 2008 03:44 PMOooh, I know, say, "They are Dobby socks, you muggle!" Then walk away smiling. (For the uninitiated, Dobby is a house elf in Harry Potter that wears mismatched socks. Intentionally.)
Besides, if someone is that intense on your feet, I think I would worry a bit.
But the pictures were wonderful. Just...no food poisoning next time, yes?
Cat in Lacomb
Posted by: Cat on March 26, 2008 03:44 PMI'm impressed with both of you! Seriously. And damn you tell a great story - freakin' hysterical. But I can't believe you didn't post a picture of the guy who made you want to switch teams!
Posted by: (formerly) no-blog-rachel on March 26, 2008 03:50 PMI totally grok the missing-the-whale thing. Sorta like how, every time I go to this one blog, I think, "THIS will be the time she posts the face!" Alas, for I was done in by a "water droplet".
Big tease.
Hawaii. Sigh. Oh. Back to reality.
What a great-looking sock that is! And blue-y striped one is not bad either.
Give TMK a hearty thumbs-up from me. She done herself proud.
Posted by: kmkat on March 26, 2008 04:11 PMI find it amazing that no one has mentioned how BUFF TMK looks on that surfboard. Dude. You been goin' to da gym, non?
And is it normal (because inquiring fat butts want to know) to work out seven days a week for two months, modify eating and drinking to normal calorie intake for a small-statured person like myself, and not lose ONE FRICKIN' POUND?
On the bright side, I have biceps. My pants, however, are not impressed.
Posted by: Lee Ann on March 26, 2008 06:16 PMOkay. Let me just clarify the fish thing. I'm not really afraid of them. I just don't like swimming where they swim because they might touch me. ;-) This is apparently a trait that runs in the offspring of my parents as my brother said the exact same thing to me without any coaching. The very first time I put my face/snorkel in the water, there was a fish 6" inches from me. I'm pretty sure he was considering slapping me with a fin, yelling "you're it" and running. Needless to say, it took several minutes of hyperventilating before I could do *that* again!
And Lee Ann, I went and looked at your blog and I think I know why you haven't lost any weight--you're frickin' tiny! ;-) But, seriously, I bet your clothes are fitting better even though you only lost a pound. ;-)
Posted by: The Mysterious K on March 26, 2008 06:51 PMMaybe even funnier if punctuated like this: Gay-Whale Watching, Cruise. Works also as Whale-Watching.
I saw my first one, a humpback breaching, when on the birdwatching boat off your very Washington shores when I visited last year. Unforgettable. I even yelped a little, startling my companions, as I recall.
Posted by: Cuzzin Tom on March 26, 2008 07:02 PMIs it just me, or does TMK look like she's just sittin' and knittin' on that surfboard?
Posted by: Norma on March 27, 2008 05:32 AMNorma, while I agree with you, I believe TMK was just holding some goggles. Sorry to disappoint.
Posted by: Ryan on March 27, 2008 10:00 AMHi! Great trip photos! And how did you find a gaywhalewatchingcruise in the first place? (Can't bring myself to punctuate!) I'm about to take a huge trip across country in May to the great city of Seattle (from North Carolina) myself. This is no small thing, as I've never been west of the Mississippi (and we're talking over 50 years of never). I'm very excited and can't concentrate on work because all I can think about is the trip. What a nerd.
Posted by: Laura Sue on March 27, 2008 12:20 PMThe socks? My children are so proud of you. (long story there, but it involves their mission to aggravate their maternal grandmother as much as possible. g-ma hates things that don't match.
Posted by: marti on March 27, 2008 01:45 PM"Whales! Everywhere! Like rats!" I'm not sure it's healthy to start your day by busting a gut, but I'm sure glad I did.
And a big congratulations to TMK. That's a lot of phobia-facing during a short period of time, and THAT'S Very Brave Indeed.
Posted by: Ruth on March 28, 2008 04:28 AMRyan - thanks for the laughs...especially with the sock. My virgo analytical mind then said (after I stopped laughing) Didn't she have to put shoes on before going out to dinner and notice it then?? Uh, never mind!
I'm all for conquering phobias! Great job! I think the world just got a whole lot bigger!
Posted by: Naomi on March 28, 2008 07:22 AMNaomi, your very logical question actually has a very logical answer. My shoes were slip-on sneakers which I've worn forever (you've probably even seen them!) so I don't even need to look down, or look at my feet, when I put them on. So I put my shoes on and headed out the door, none the wiser, until I sat in the car and my pant legs pulled up a bit and I saw what I had done!
Posted by: Ryan on March 28, 2008 07:53 AM