September 09, 2008
Eff Oh!
A milestone: My first objet finis since I decided to go camping in the ninth circle of Hell. Minus the buttons, but still—hoo-ah! (Third picture is the best approximation of color.)
The Dale Baby Ull keeps getting better and better. After washing and blocking, it feels even more cottony, more silky, more squooshy than before. As a matter of fact, because I’m bonding with the sweater before slapping on the buttons and giving it to the recipient (you know how we do; it's hard to give some things up), it’s sitting on my (naked-ish, thanks to short-ish shorts) thigh right now and keeps sliding off, it’s so smooth. Where has this inexpensive workhorse of a yarn been all my life? Certainly not hidden in other balls of Baby Ull that've crossed my path in the past.
I can add to the list of things the cats think are toys: My bra strap, the wrist cord on my camera, the Velcro straps on my flip-flop sandals, the string on a tea bag, my necklaces, and my hair.
I can add to the list of lessons I’ve learned since adopting the cats: Don’t lie in bed and tell the cats it’s time for their breakfast when one of the cats is sitting on the far-side night table and the only launching point between her and the door is your face.
And I can add to the list of pictures so cute they make you want to barf a pictorial representation of yin and yin, with a little furry yang thrown into the middle:
Emotionally, in my “recovery,” I feel myself heading into a weird, gray danger zone, where being with people and groups isn’t cutting it for me anymore, and being alone isn’t either, and, last time I checked the rules of social engagement, those are my only choices. What to do, what to do. I'm still trying to maintain an emotional balance, still trying to keep myself occupied, still trying to be courageous, still trying not to make stupid decisions just so I won’t be alone. I am, however, having a hoot of a time online with a woman from Ottawa (yes, that Ottawa, so she’s in another country , completely on the other side of that country. Think Yarn Harlot, only a little northeast.).
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxccccccccccccccccccccccccczzzzzzzd. Crap. Guess who just walked across the keyboard.
Anyway...the woman in Ottawa. We met online and, sure, there was some initial relationship sniffing-about, but we’ve gotten past that idiotic notion (because we’re not stupid; did I mention she lived in Ottawa?) and have just turned into the best of online chums, helping each other deal with our broken hearts,
Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiilmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Crap.
helping each other navigate the truly bizarre world of online dating, and even helping each other figure out what to do with other women we've met.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnniiijjjjjjjjj. Crap.
She’s funny, articulate, and writes well, and I’m just enjoying the heck out of getting to know her. As a friend. Huh. What a novel idea.
Love the Eff Oh! And go easy on yourself. Though it appears *someone* may be trying to tell you that you aren't alone after all... ("Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxccccccccccccccccccccccccczzzzzzzd. Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiilmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.")
Kitties are the best.
shhh. don't tell ryan. but she has made remarkable progress on a remarkable journey.
OMG those cats are just too cute-
Posted by: tayloe on September 9, 2008 11:48 AMMarti's right on. Good goin' sister!
I can't stand the cuteness of your kitties! Mine would sooner die (or die trying to kill the other) than be that close to each other! Even when they join me in bed they make a point of trying to be as far away from each other as possible. Then again, they aren't siblings, so perhaps there's something to that.
This sounds silly, but it works for me: When I don't feel like dealing with other people but feel that being alone would be dangerous to my mental health, I take my laptop and spend some time working in a cafe/coffeehouse/bookstore. Gives me the necessary delusion of still being part of humanity. It also makes me focus on my work, since, you know, it's not like I want to talk to a complete stranger!!! ;)
Also, if you are just now feeling a slip, check into the possibility of seasonal affective issues. I know that as much as I LOVE cooler weather, the decreasing sunlight makes me struggle more with the blahs.
Posted by: Kristen on September 9, 2008 12:00 PMOh you slay me. Our cat does the same thing and can change all sorts of options with one paw.
I met my husband on line. And we still like each other 5 years later! I casually dated a bunch of guys I'd met on line before that (I refered to them as my 'man collection') and made a number of on-line friends too. There are lots of types of relationships that can develop that way - it was really fun for me and I hope it turns out that way for you. Just watch out for anyone who says they just got out of jail and are hoping you are willing to pay their way for them to come 'visit' you (don't ask but no I didn't)...
Posted by: (formerly) no-blog-rachel on September 9, 2008 01:28 PMFinally got it...eff oh. Boy I'm slow. The lovely swooshy green FO is surely a symbol. :) Very cute cat pix.
Posted by: Barb on September 9, 2008 01:30 PMMy old roomie once sent me an email that said, "Who knew that when the cat walks across the keyboard, the default action is 'Delete unread email'? Glad it doesn't work that way for blog posts.
Love the FO.
I second the suggestion to go somewhere and just be around people without necessarily engaging with them. That's what I would do.
The FO is lovely!
Posted by: kmkat on September 9, 2008 04:29 PMOne of my best friends calls that exhilarating feeling of getting to know a new close friend "falling in Platonic love". The same intensity, the same excitement (well, almost), you just don't want the sexual bit.
Posted by: Monika on September 9, 2008 11:03 PMIt's okay, you know, to have moments where you don't want to be around people and still be in need of them. You're reconstructing how you see your place in the world. All the new bits need time to settle. Cats are the best for those kind of moments. Maybe take yourself to a movie or something? Maybe being in an environment where you can be aroudn people but not be forced to interact would be helpful?
You're doing great. Be proud of yourself.
Posted by: Kim on September 9, 2008 11:25 PMVery pretty little sweater. I have never used Baby Ull but I may have to sometime.
Love the cat photo. I recently read on a page of my Calico Cat Calendar: "Cats are like greatness: Some people are born to cats, some people achieve cats, and some people have cats thrust upon them." Last night I looked at my 4 lined up across the 4 windows on the side of my porch and felt lucky to have them.
Posted by: CarolineF on September 10, 2008 05:13 AMLovely sweater...the cat photo is so cute! And I like your lists...I'll add the little jeweled chain/charm on my cellphone attracts kitties, too.
Friends are the most important. They forgive you. Regardless. And women friends are the best. When relationships go bad...it's the friends you can call (email) at 2 a.m. that matter most.
You're doing great!
(((hugs)))
That grey area? It's called "I'm ready now."
A wee bit hard to navigate, it's true, but way freaking better than the "Do. Not. Come. Near. Me. I. Can't. Effing. Handle. It."
I muffled all the swearwords just for you, because I love you and no one else commenting has as foul a mouth as I do. But you get the picture.
You're moving forward, even if you don't feel it. Trust me. A great big hug from a very small diehard fan :-)
Posted by: Lee Ann on September 10, 2008 06:52 PM